The last few weeks I have [reluctantly] been learning about the concept of Biblical suffering. It seems as though every sermon I listen to, nearly every class I attend, and every passage of scripture lately has been about suffering. While this has been a point of discouragement for me in the last few weeks, I think I am finally starting to grasp the beautiful truths that God has hidden inside of suffering for those willing to trust him through it.
The other day, I came home in a fit of tears, frustrated at myself and life, and complained to my roommate Bethy that I was tired of hearing so much about suffering and really discouraged. She was very quiet, which is not unusual for her, but there was something I could tell she was avoiding telling me.
Later that night, I came home from class, and she said she needed to tell me something that would make me cry. Ugh, great! Before praying she asked me how I was doing with the whole concept of suffering, and I reluctantly told her that I was really struggling with accepting it because I did not want to give up certain things that made me comfortable, or allow myself to be put into a place of suffering from God (silly thoughts, but I was really wrestling through this...) She said, "Maybe you are having a hard time with all of this because you are afraid to suffer."
Yeah. She pretty much struck the unspoken chord that had been the pinnacle of my wrestling with God. I always thought of myself as okay with suffering until I would enter into anything hard (sickness, depressive thoughts, bad days) in which I would freak out and do anything I could to get comfortable again. While not all of those things are necessarily 'Biblical suffering' for the sake of the gospel, there is a spiritual aspect of these things that I have been chosing to ignore, seeking my own comfort instead of God's lesson through the uncomfort and 'suffering.'
Unfortunatly all of this is going to sound incredibly cliche and "dont ever do anything to make yourself to comfortable, just trust God' like, I want you to know that this is something I am (myself and not you... haha) wrestling through and praying about. So please dont take my applications and apply them to yourself... I plead with you to let God direct your heart into whatever he is teaching you at the moment.
If I could convey one thing though it would be this:
If you are going to chose a life where God is your precious treasure, where the focus of your every day life is to further the gospel, and activly living out your faith, you are stepping into the line of fire. Satan hates this. Not only that, but God will be allow hardship in your life, trials, to grow you. Suffering sucks. There is nothing glorious about it. Dont be dissalusioned.
There is something precious though. It is far more lovely, far more decedantly delightful...
But you really only experience it when you submit to God's right to bring into your life whatever He in his perfection desires, even if it sucks like nothing else.... or is the worst thing ever...
you will find this lovely thing called comfort.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, ht eFather of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions, so that we may be able to comfrot those who are in any affliction, with the comfort by God. For as we share abundantly in Chirst's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
II Corinthians 1:3-5
Let God become your most cherished and precious delight.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Adventures
On Saturday, Bethany, Brittany, Kyle and I decided to go camping. We drove down to the beach and found a place where we could park our car while we explored the hills and found somewhere to spend the night. It was a beautiful day, and we were full of optimism as we started our hike.
The weather was supposed be clear, and so each person only brought a sleeping bag, mat, food and water. As we began to hike though, little raindrops dashed our hopes of good weather for the night. Fortunately the rain never turned into anything more than occasional showers throughout the night, which happened excellent and delightful treat for all of us.
As we arrived at our decided sleeping location, a little meadow on the side of a hill, we set up camp for the evening and proceeded to talk well into the night. We all laid in our sleeping bags to stay dry, and played word games, told stories and laughed. It was simply delightful.
As the evening grew late, we were joined by the sound of howling coyotes, and while I was a bit aprehensive about being in an open field without any form of protection, I knew that the worst that could happen was a few of the brave curious ones sneaking up to smell us. They are really rather skiddish and would be afraid of four people.
All throughout the night I heard them walking around us, it was kind of cool. I was not able to sleep though becuase I was BOILING HOT in my bag, and unzipping it only proved to be an open invitation to the billions of mosquitoes that seemed to loooove me (I have bites on my face, arms, back, shoulders and toes to prove it.)
As morning finally came, we packed up and after exploring our surroundings for a while, found about 6 little areas of matted down grass where our howling friends spent some time laying down and sleeping. The little 'beds' were about 15 yards away from us, and it seems like they all faced us, curious about who was invading their hillside.
As we made our way back down to our car, we checked out a little cave, and played games as we hiked down the trail. At one point we all pretended to make up a language, speaking jibberish loudly to eachother. It was absolutly hillareous when two ladies passed us and we made them take a picture of us, communicating to them only in jibberish!! We were all laughing so hard we cried as poor kyle, stumbling to make up a name of a country to say where we were from blurted out, "Wisconson" in a weird accent.
Overall it was a great trip filled with lots of funny moments
The weather was supposed be clear, and so each person only brought a sleeping bag, mat, food and water. As we began to hike though, little raindrops dashed our hopes of good weather for the night. Fortunately the rain never turned into anything more than occasional showers throughout the night, which happened excellent and delightful treat for all of us.
As we arrived at our decided sleeping location, a little meadow on the side of a hill, we set up camp for the evening and proceeded to talk well into the night. We all laid in our sleeping bags to stay dry, and played word games, told stories and laughed. It was simply delightful.
As the evening grew late, we were joined by the sound of howling coyotes, and while I was a bit aprehensive about being in an open field without any form of protection, I knew that the worst that could happen was a few of the brave curious ones sneaking up to smell us. They are really rather skiddish and would be afraid of four people.
All throughout the night I heard them walking around us, it was kind of cool. I was not able to sleep though becuase I was BOILING HOT in my bag, and unzipping it only proved to be an open invitation to the billions of mosquitoes that seemed to loooove me (I have bites on my face, arms, back, shoulders and toes to prove it.)
As morning finally came, we packed up and after exploring our surroundings for a while, found about 6 little areas of matted down grass where our howling friends spent some time laying down and sleeping. The little 'beds' were about 15 yards away from us, and it seems like they all faced us, curious about who was invading their hillside.
As we made our way back down to our car, we checked out a little cave, and played games as we hiked down the trail. At one point we all pretended to make up a language, speaking jibberish loudly to eachother. It was absolutly hillareous when two ladies passed us and we made them take a picture of us, communicating to them only in jibberish!! We were all laughing so hard we cried as poor kyle, stumbling to make up a name of a country to say where we were from blurted out, "Wisconson" in a weird accent.
Overall it was a great trip filled with lots of funny moments
selfishness...
Over the last few weeks, I have found myself immersed with the changes that are taking place within my heart. I believe that God is teaching me many new things, and while at times the challenge of being formed into who he desires is overwhelming, I know that the outcome is well worth the process.
Goodness, there are so many new things to write down... where do I start?
In my 2 Corinthians class, we are continuing to learn about suffering, something which continues to prove somewhat discouraging to me. Although I know that whatever suffering I face for Christ, through Him I will be able to endure, there is another part of me that feels guilty and shamed when I am not 'suffering' and seeks to enter into that 'discomfort.' This has arrived in my heart with a large measure of confused thoughts and emotions. While the Bible claims that all suffering done for the sake of the Gospel, and trials endured as given by God are for the sake of sanctifying faith, my heart seems to always take it the wrong way. Let me explain:
When I think of the necessity of suffering, suddenly everything of comfort becomes an object of guilt. Every motivation of mine seems selfish and sinful, and all that is in my life that is not causing me pain, and anything I am doing to avoid pain, seems like a ploy devised to keep me from trusting God. In all of this I just feel worthless, and guilty, self-centered and terrible. Ugh.
The thing that is difficult for me though the most in this, is that a large measure of my motivation for changing any portion of this aspect of my life is motivated by a desire to measure up to some kind of standard that I have learned is expected of 'dedicated believers.' My motivations, instead of being led into conviction through the power of the spirit, are merely more selfish attempts of self-righteousness masked in good intentions.
I am trying very hard not to be selfish, but I am also trying very hard to let my standard be Christ, and not necessarily sermon illustrations or quotes from a speaker.
I feel as though my attempt at unselfishness at times is a prideful desire to take a hold of my life and perfect myself through my own strength instead of waiting for God to direct me.
Sometimes.
Sometimes though, the shirt needs to be returned and the shoes sent back. Coffee can be made at home and a peanut butter sandwich do just fine for lunch.
Goodness, there are so many new things to write down... where do I start?
In my 2 Corinthians class, we are continuing to learn about suffering, something which continues to prove somewhat discouraging to me. Although I know that whatever suffering I face for Christ, through Him I will be able to endure, there is another part of me that feels guilty and shamed when I am not 'suffering' and seeks to enter into that 'discomfort.' This has arrived in my heart with a large measure of confused thoughts and emotions. While the Bible claims that all suffering done for the sake of the Gospel, and trials endured as given by God are for the sake of sanctifying faith, my heart seems to always take it the wrong way. Let me explain:
When I think of the necessity of suffering, suddenly everything of comfort becomes an object of guilt. Every motivation of mine seems selfish and sinful, and all that is in my life that is not causing me pain, and anything I am doing to avoid pain, seems like a ploy devised to keep me from trusting God. In all of this I just feel worthless, and guilty, self-centered and terrible. Ugh.
The thing that is difficult for me though the most in this, is that a large measure of my motivation for changing any portion of this aspect of my life is motivated by a desire to measure up to some kind of standard that I have learned is expected of 'dedicated believers.' My motivations, instead of being led into conviction through the power of the spirit, are merely more selfish attempts of self-righteousness masked in good intentions.
I am trying very hard not to be selfish, but I am also trying very hard to let my standard be Christ, and not necessarily sermon illustrations or quotes from a speaker.
I feel as though my attempt at unselfishness at times is a prideful desire to take a hold of my life and perfect myself through my own strength instead of waiting for God to direct me.
Sometimes.
Sometimes though, the shirt needs to be returned and the shoes sent back. Coffee can be made at home and a peanut butter sandwich do just fine for lunch.
Monday, February 9, 2009
New Covenant
This week in my 2 Corinthians class our assignment was to study the old covenant, the new covenant in the Old Testament, and what the promises of the new covenant are. It was a very eye opening study to me, and is just another building block in my heart portraying the significance of the gospel, and my freedom in Christ (something God seems to be unfolding in my heart this semester.)
The old covenant was a series of promises and laws given to the Israelites from God in the OT. The old covenant was based upon retribution theology, meaning, if the Israelites kept the commands of the Lord and lived in a way pleasing to Him, they would prosper and find blessings, but if they did not they would be cursed. Seen in the lives of the Israelites, one can track their obedience and disobedience to God quite clearly by watching for the success and blessings of the people, or finding the times where they are cursed and receive the wrath of God.
In the old covenant, the Israelites were constantly subject to rituals and sacrifice to make atonement for both their daily sins and their disobedience to the covenant of God. These sacrifices were designed to save them from their ever deserved wrath of God. These sacrifices however were not enough, and never fully cleansed them of their iniquities. Though they would live to attain righteousness, their sin would enslave them and render them incapable.
The failure of humanity to live righteously in the old covenant through the law showed the desperate need of the people for an act of salvation that would rescue them from their sinful nature and tendencies to break the law, separating them from God.
The whispers of a new covenant were strewn throughout the old testament however, asprophets would speak of a time when God would claim the hearts of his people to be his own, set them free from their burden of sin, and enslave them to righteousness. The prophets spoke of a glorious indwelling of the Holy Spirit in the hearts of those that were to receive this covenant, a gift through which God would mark his children, and make Himself truly known to His beloved.
Jeremiah 31:31-38 sheds a brilliant light on the beautiful details of this new covenant:
31 "Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, 32not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the LORD.
33 But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 34And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."
35Thus says the LORD,who gives the sun for light by day
and the fixed order of the moon and the stars for light by night,
who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar—
the LORD of hosts is his name:
36 "If this fixed order departs
from before me, declares the LORD,
then shall the offspring of Israel cease
from being a nation before me forever."
37Thus says the LORD:"If the heavens above can be measured,
and the foundations of the earth below can be explored,
then I will cast off all the offspring of Israel
for all that they have done, declares the LORD."
38 "Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when the city shall be rebuilt for the LORD from the Tower of Hananel to the Corner Gate. 39 And the measuring line shall go out farther, straight to the hill Gareb, and shall then turn to Goah. 40 The whole valley of the dead bodies and the ashes, and all the fields as far as the brook Kidron, to the corner of the Horse Gate toward the east, shall be sacred to the LORD. It shall not be uprooted or overthrown anymore forever."
This covenant that was to be established would be impossible to break, and those that God claimed as his own would be marked by an immovable force that would allow for nothing to separate God from his beloved people. NOTHING!
not even sin
For he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned- every one- to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
Because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors.
(Isaiah 53:5-6, 12b)
How then are we to live? Do we not realize that we now live in the precious new covenant for which all of Israel longed? In-dwelt with the Holy Spirit, we are free from sin. We are no longer strangers who say to one another, " know God," for we shall truly know God.
This is almost impossible for my heart to grasp.
How often do I live in the guilt of my sin,
when its burden I not longer bear?
How often have I been deceived and held back by the nature of my humanity,
when it is no longer something I am chained to ?
How often have I separated myself from God,
when he has drawn me near to him?
How often have I thought my God not enough,
when he has said that he is sufficient ?
How often have I thought my sin too much,
believing myself forever tainted by that which I have already received forgiveness?
HOW OFTEN ARE WE HELD BACK BY SATAN
led to believe that we have not been freed to dance forward with God.
Everything we think we must do, everything we feel we must justify, and every law we feel we must fulfill in order for God to love us, everything we need....
God has made a way for everything we needed in order to stand before him.
Do you understand your freedom?
That God would reach out and grant you this covenant that even he cannot break..
That there is nothing more you can do to earn it, attain it, enlarge it, diminish it, nothing.
it has been done.
The old covenant was a series of promises and laws given to the Israelites from God in the OT. The old covenant was based upon retribution theology, meaning, if the Israelites kept the commands of the Lord and lived in a way pleasing to Him, they would prosper and find blessings, but if they did not they would be cursed. Seen in the lives of the Israelites, one can track their obedience and disobedience to God quite clearly by watching for the success and blessings of the people, or finding the times where they are cursed and receive the wrath of God.
In the old covenant, the Israelites were constantly subject to rituals and sacrifice to make atonement for both their daily sins and their disobedience to the covenant of God. These sacrifices were designed to save them from their ever deserved wrath of God. These sacrifices however were not enough, and never fully cleansed them of their iniquities. Though they would live to attain righteousness, their sin would enslave them and render them incapable.
The failure of humanity to live righteously in the old covenant through the law showed the desperate need of the people for an act of salvation that would rescue them from their sinful nature and tendencies to break the law, separating them from God.
The whispers of a new covenant were strewn throughout the old testament however, asprophets would speak of a time when God would claim the hearts of his people to be his own, set them free from their burden of sin, and enslave them to righteousness. The prophets spoke of a glorious indwelling of the Holy Spirit in the hearts of those that were to receive this covenant, a gift through which God would mark his children, and make Himself truly known to His beloved.
Jeremiah 31:31-38 sheds a brilliant light on the beautiful details of this new covenant:
31 "Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, 32not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the LORD.
33 But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 34And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."
35Thus says the LORD,who gives the sun for light by day
and the fixed order of the moon and the stars for light by night,
who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar—
the LORD of hosts is his name:
36 "If this fixed order departs
from before me, declares the LORD,
then shall the offspring of Israel cease
from being a nation before me forever."
37Thus says the LORD:"If the heavens above can be measured,
and the foundations of the earth below can be explored,
then I will cast off all the offspring of Israel
for all that they have done, declares the LORD."
38 "Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when the city shall be rebuilt for the LORD from the Tower of Hananel to the Corner Gate. 39 And the measuring line shall go out farther, straight to the hill Gareb, and shall then turn to Goah. 40 The whole valley of the dead bodies and the ashes, and all the fields as far as the brook Kidron, to the corner of the Horse Gate toward the east, shall be sacred to the LORD. It shall not be uprooted or overthrown anymore forever."
This covenant that was to be established would be impossible to break, and those that God claimed as his own would be marked by an immovable force that would allow for nothing to separate God from his beloved people. NOTHING!
not even sin
For he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned- every one- to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.
Because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors.
(Isaiah 53:5-6, 12b)
How then are we to live? Do we not realize that we now live in the precious new covenant for which all of Israel longed? In-dwelt with the Holy Spirit, we are free from sin. We are no longer strangers who say to one another, " know God," for we shall truly know God.
This is almost impossible for my heart to grasp.
How often do I live in the guilt of my sin,
when its burden I not longer bear?
How often have I been deceived and held back by the nature of my humanity,
when it is no longer something I am chained to ?
How often have I separated myself from God,
when he has drawn me near to him?
How often have I thought my God not enough,
when he has said that he is sufficient ?
How often have I thought my sin too much,
believing myself forever tainted by that which I have already received forgiveness?
HOW OFTEN ARE WE HELD BACK BY SATAN
led to believe that we have not been freed to dance forward with God.
Everything we think we must do, everything we feel we must justify, and every law we feel we must fulfill in order for God to love us, everything we need....
God has made a way for everything we needed in order to stand before him.
Do you understand your freedom?
That God would reach out and grant you this covenant that even he cannot break..
That there is nothing more you can do to earn it, attain it, enlarge it, diminish it, nothing.
it has been done.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
This is the God I Serve
Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion
on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
Behold, I have engraved you
on the palms of my hands.
isaiah 49:15-16
It is amazing to think that God actually said these words. I forget that sometimes. And even though they were written a long time ago, to the chosen nation of Israel, we have now entered into his body, his church, and we too, his beloved, he shall not forget.
The comfort that brings my heart shakes my very soul.
Yes,this is the God I serve
that she should have no compassion
on the son of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
Behold, I have engraved you
on the palms of my hands.
isaiah 49:15-16
It is amazing to think that God actually said these words. I forget that sometimes. And even though they were written a long time ago, to the chosen nation of Israel, we have now entered into his body, his church, and we too, his beloved, he shall not forget.
The comfort that brings my heart shakes my very soul.
Yes,this is the God I serve
Answered Prayers
I have been praying a lot for my neighbors that live below me. They are a young family from India, with two little girls. I have been over to their apartment a few times with flowers and various little gifts. I have been praying specifically lately that our relationship would move beyond my occasional visits and into a friendship through which I could eventually share the gospel. My short term hope was to be able to sit down and have dinner with them, either at our apartment or theirs. Usually when you have a meal with someone walls are torn down and friendships are deepened. This has been my prayer.
Earlier today, my roommate Sandi and I went down to their apartment to ask where a good Indian restaurant was, hoping to open some sort of door for a meal together. In the middle of our conversation, as I mentioned my love for Indian food, the husband said that we would have to come over for a meal some time. My heart jumped with excitement!!
I love this family to the point of tears, and am willing to do anything that they might find the joy and freedom of Jesus Christ. I would be delighted and honored if you would keep them and our relationship in your prayers. I am hoping to invite them over for an American meal, and cannot wait until they invite us over for a meal at their home.
God is so good!
Also, our neighbor who lives next to us is a single man in his 30s who we have had little luck getting to know, as his work schedule is fairly intense. Today he came over to us and asked if we could feed his cat next weekend. We were so excited to get to have some conversation with him, and were able to share where we went to school and our plans for the future. He seemed very open to us and was friendly and welcoming. We are hoping to connect him with some guys from church as he dosen't have any friends here yet =) I have had no clue how to even begin to get to know him, yet God just brought him to us.
Bethany and I prayed a lot last semester that we would be able to make an impact in our neighbors lives... and now our prayers are showing fruit!!!
Thank you God for allowing us to serve our neighbors and learn to love them!
Earlier today, my roommate Sandi and I went down to their apartment to ask where a good Indian restaurant was, hoping to open some sort of door for a meal together. In the middle of our conversation, as I mentioned my love for Indian food, the husband said that we would have to come over for a meal some time. My heart jumped with excitement!!
I love this family to the point of tears, and am willing to do anything that they might find the joy and freedom of Jesus Christ. I would be delighted and honored if you would keep them and our relationship in your prayers. I am hoping to invite them over for an American meal, and cannot wait until they invite us over for a meal at their home.
God is so good!
Also, our neighbor who lives next to us is a single man in his 30s who we have had little luck getting to know, as his work schedule is fairly intense. Today he came over to us and asked if we could feed his cat next weekend. We were so excited to get to have some conversation with him, and were able to share where we went to school and our plans for the future. He seemed very open to us and was friendly and welcoming. We are hoping to connect him with some guys from church as he dosen't have any friends here yet =) I have had no clue how to even begin to get to know him, yet God just brought him to us.
Bethany and I prayed a lot last semester that we would be able to make an impact in our neighbors lives... and now our prayers are showing fruit!!!
Thank you God for allowing us to serve our neighbors and learn to love them!
Dancing With the Holy Spirit- By Bethany Reinbolt
Today I was just kind of having one of those days. I felt like a complete failure, a hopeless sinner, and that God was just putting up with me...
While I was sitting at home pondering all of these things, my roommates walked in from their shopping excursion and Bethany mentioned a note that she wrote on facebook. I logged in, checked it out, and after reading it began to cry. This note ministered to my heart in such an encouraging way that I thought I should share it with all of you. I hope you are encouraged =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ by Bethany Reinbolt
Last night I was sitting on the top bunk getting ready to lay my head down for the night when from outside of my window I heard the click-click-click of high heels, a few familiar voices, and the giggles of my roomates. I thought to myself, I can either be diligent and go to bed now so that I can wake up early, or I can go outside and have some fun with my friends. It took me about two seconds to climb down the shaky ladder of my bunk bed and grab my snowmobile jacket from the hallway closet on the way out the door.
We danced for a while in our neighbor’s parking space, listening to the music flowing out of Lor’s tape playing Volvo (yes friends, she is cool enough to still have a tape player in her vechile). But soon enough the security guard informed us that we were not allowed to be doing that, so we headed over to the Von’s parking lot (I never thought I would be one of those people who hangs out in a parking lot on Friday night!).
Now that we had space to move, we could dance our little hearts out, and this is where my story begins. Prior to last night the only waltzing experience that I had was the dances at camp (and let’s just say that dancing with high-school boys is not the best way to learn a formal dance); so one of my brothers, who is an expert student of dance showed me the proper way.
He informed me that the man is the one who does the dance, the girl just follows. He said that I am supposed to lean back against his arm, and hold his hand firmly. I tried so hard to follow his foot pattern, but I kept getting ahead of him or swaying a little bit too far to the sides. He said, “Bethany, just follow, let me do the work.” My response was a disheartened, “How do you follow?”
He replied, “Close your eyes and listen to my body” (That sounds kinda sketch, but, it will be so cool that he said that once you make the connection). I closed my eyes and he led me around the Von’s parking lot. All I had to do was be aware of where he was going and the steps that he was taking, and I would automatically go the right way- even with my eyes closed. I didn’t even have to try- I just had to stay on my feet and be willing to move.
I am pretty sure that walking in step with the Holy Spirit is the same thing. Just close your eyes*, feel where He is leading, and let Him do the work. As long as I am willing to dance, it will become something beautiful. (By the way, in dancing, you are going to take a few wrong steps. You may even fall, but He is there to pull you up by the hand, brush the dirt off of you, and lead you in a dance once again).
I just like the thought that all I have to do is lean back God’s arms, hold tight to his hand, and follow His lead.
*Closed eyes-2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” Sometimes sight gets in the way and we think that we have it all figured out because we can see what is going on, but in reality, we have to just trust the Holy Spirit and be confident that He will lead us in the most beautiful dance ever.
this note can also be accessed on our roomate blog at www.notsolovebirdss.blogspot.com
While I was sitting at home pondering all of these things, my roommates walked in from their shopping excursion and Bethany mentioned a note that she wrote on facebook. I logged in, checked it out, and after reading it began to cry. This note ministered to my heart in such an encouraging way that I thought I should share it with all of you. I hope you are encouraged =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ by Bethany Reinbolt
Last night I was sitting on the top bunk getting ready to lay my head down for the night when from outside of my window I heard the click-click-click of high heels, a few familiar voices, and the giggles of my roomates. I thought to myself, I can either be diligent and go to bed now so that I can wake up early, or I can go outside and have some fun with my friends. It took me about two seconds to climb down the shaky ladder of my bunk bed and grab my snowmobile jacket from the hallway closet on the way out the door.
We danced for a while in our neighbor’s parking space, listening to the music flowing out of Lor’s tape playing Volvo (yes friends, she is cool enough to still have a tape player in her vechile). But soon enough the security guard informed us that we were not allowed to be doing that, so we headed over to the Von’s parking lot (I never thought I would be one of those people who hangs out in a parking lot on Friday night!).
Now that we had space to move, we could dance our little hearts out, and this is where my story begins. Prior to last night the only waltzing experience that I had was the dances at camp (and let’s just say that dancing with high-school boys is not the best way to learn a formal dance); so one of my brothers, who is an expert student of dance showed me the proper way.
He informed me that the man is the one who does the dance, the girl just follows. He said that I am supposed to lean back against his arm, and hold his hand firmly. I tried so hard to follow his foot pattern, but I kept getting ahead of him or swaying a little bit too far to the sides. He said, “Bethany, just follow, let me do the work.” My response was a disheartened, “How do you follow?”
He replied, “Close your eyes and listen to my body” (That sounds kinda sketch, but, it will be so cool that he said that once you make the connection). I closed my eyes and he led me around the Von’s parking lot. All I had to do was be aware of where he was going and the steps that he was taking, and I would automatically go the right way- even with my eyes closed. I didn’t even have to try- I just had to stay on my feet and be willing to move.
I am pretty sure that walking in step with the Holy Spirit is the same thing. Just close your eyes*, feel where He is leading, and let Him do the work. As long as I am willing to dance, it will become something beautiful. (By the way, in dancing, you are going to take a few wrong steps. You may even fall, but He is there to pull you up by the hand, brush the dirt off of you, and lead you in a dance once again).
I just like the thought that all I have to do is lean back God’s arms, hold tight to his hand, and follow His lead.
*Closed eyes-2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” Sometimes sight gets in the way and we think that we have it all figured out because we can see what is going on, but in reality, we have to just trust the Holy Spirit and be confident that He will lead us in the most beautiful dance ever.
this note can also be accessed on our roomate blog at www.notsolovebirdss.blogspot.com
Friday, February 6, 2009
Prayer
For the last few months I have been trying to get to know my Indian neighbors that live downstairs. I have been over to their house a few times, but would like to build a more substantial relationship where I could eventually share the gospel with them. My heart is burdened for them, and I feel a special love radiating from my heart for Sujetha, the wife of the family.
Sujetha seems to be no more than 27 years old, and possesses a sweet and quiet spirit. She seems shy, yet open to my visits. I am not sure quite how to take the next step, and become closer to her, but I feel an urge in my heart that I must do something. I was going to do something today, but let the day slip away from me, and do not wish to interrupt them during dinner time. I am going to try to go over tomorrow in the late morning.
I would like to offer to help her with her English in exchange for some cooking lessons, but I am not sure if she would be up for that. I am also hoping to invite them for dinner at some point soon, to get to know their whole family.
I feel a strange burden and responsibility for these people. I love them. Its very strange, but a smile creeps across my heart at the prospect of what could arise from this peculiar friendship.
Sujetha seems to be no more than 27 years old, and possesses a sweet and quiet spirit. She seems shy, yet open to my visits. I am not sure quite how to take the next step, and become closer to her, but I feel an urge in my heart that I must do something. I was going to do something today, but let the day slip away from me, and do not wish to interrupt them during dinner time. I am going to try to go over tomorrow in the late morning.
I would like to offer to help her with her English in exchange for some cooking lessons, but I am not sure if she would be up for that. I am also hoping to invite them for dinner at some point soon, to get to know their whole family.
I feel a strange burden and responsibility for these people. I love them. Its very strange, but a smile creeps across my heart at the prospect of what could arise from this peculiar friendship.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
dancing
I think I have found my new love.
Tonight Alli, Tom, Dan, Tom and I went to a west-coast swing dance class. We learned various different basic steps and practiced them during the class. Afterwards however there was free dance, and the studio filled quickly with people of all ages, with different dancing styles and techniques.
Never before have I encountered the joy of partner dancing. Being led through a dance is quite possibly one of the most delightful things I have ever experienced. There is just a beauty to the submission that takes place in a dance on the part of the woman. The man, when he is leading correctly, gives gentle yet sure guidance through the dance that made me feel both that I was a treasured and delicate lady. If I simply followed without question, the dance was beautiful, fun and easy. But when I tried to lead it was awkward, difficult and frustrating. I think there is a biblical lesson in there somewhere =)
Anyway, besides all of that, my heart was just bursting with joy the entire night, and while I can't tell exactly why, all I know is that I have found a new favorite in life.
On a less serious note, the evening was not without comical blunders. During a later part of the evening, a gentleman, who who was a well experienced dancer, asked me to dance. He proceeded to teach me more about dancing, while helping my technique. It was absolutely wonderful, and I gained so much from that time. Unfortunately, as a beginner, I have no idea what to do with my arms, or even legs at times, during spins. As we proceeded into a series of quick turns however, my right arm rose up and the who side of of my elbow and arm hit him VERY hard full on the face.
I don't know if you have ever taken the blunt side of an elbow to the face at a high speed, with your eyes closed, while spinning, but from the look on his face, I would never recommend for you to pursue such a thing. I felt so terrible!!
It really was very funny though.
I cannot wait to go dancing again!! Ahhh!!! What delight!!!
Tonight Alli, Tom, Dan, Tom and I went to a west-coast swing dance class. We learned various different basic steps and practiced them during the class. Afterwards however there was free dance, and the studio filled quickly with people of all ages, with different dancing styles and techniques.
Never before have I encountered the joy of partner dancing. Being led through a dance is quite possibly one of the most delightful things I have ever experienced. There is just a beauty to the submission that takes place in a dance on the part of the woman. The man, when he is leading correctly, gives gentle yet sure guidance through the dance that made me feel both that I was a treasured and delicate lady. If I simply followed without question, the dance was beautiful, fun and easy. But when I tried to lead it was awkward, difficult and frustrating. I think there is a biblical lesson in there somewhere =)
Anyway, besides all of that, my heart was just bursting with joy the entire night, and while I can't tell exactly why, all I know is that I have found a new favorite in life.
On a less serious note, the evening was not without comical blunders. During a later part of the evening, a gentleman, who who was a well experienced dancer, asked me to dance. He proceeded to teach me more about dancing, while helping my technique. It was absolutely wonderful, and I gained so much from that time. Unfortunately, as a beginner, I have no idea what to do with my arms, or even legs at times, during spins. As we proceeded into a series of quick turns however, my right arm rose up and the who side of of my elbow and arm hit him VERY hard full on the face.
I don't know if you have ever taken the blunt side of an elbow to the face at a high speed, with your eyes closed, while spinning, but from the look on his face, I would never recommend for you to pursue such a thing. I felt so terrible!!
It really was very funny though.
I cannot wait to go dancing again!! Ahhh!!! What delight!!!
the gospel
It continues to blow my mind when I think about how much God loves me.
God is growing a lot of things in my heart right now, and a realization of the power of the gospel is just one of them. I am learning however, in the midst of this discovery that I am to wait.
I have always felt such a strong desire to run into every single ministry, lesson, friendship, opportunity to serve etc in my life, only to find myself a crying exhausted mess. Now however, while the temptation is still there, I am learning to wait as God builds the necessary things into my heart for what HE is going to have me do in life.
Its hard to wait. But, it is cool to see things developed in my heart that I know are not of me.
God is growing a lot of things in my heart right now, and a realization of the power of the gospel is just one of them. I am learning however, in the midst of this discovery that I am to wait.
I have always felt such a strong desire to run into every single ministry, lesson, friendship, opportunity to serve etc in my life, only to find myself a crying exhausted mess. Now however, while the temptation is still there, I am learning to wait as God builds the necessary things into my heart for what HE is going to have me do in life.
Its hard to wait. But, it is cool to see things developed in my heart that I know are not of me.
the infamous gorilla
I have a burn on my hand. A very small one. During class last night my friend Scott looked over at my hand and jokingly said, "Did you put a cigarette out on your hand or something?" (its a very small round burn). I looked over at him and said, "No, I burnt it on a curling iron." He looked back at me in shock and disbelief and whispered, "A GORILLA?!"
I laughed. A lot. I almost had to leave class.
Lessoned learned: gorillas burn your hands. don't touch them.
I laughed. A lot. I almost had to leave class.
Lessoned learned: gorillas burn your hands. don't touch them.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
thoughts
I really like light green. Light sage green. I also like purple and yellow at the moment. I am not sure why I feel the need to share this information, but never the less, the information has now made itself known.
I am sitting in the EBC lounge right now enjoying the company of many of my school friends. Bible college jokes abound, and coffee flows freely as the fifteen minute cram before the 1'o clock classes begin.
I can't think of anything else to write.
the end.
I am sitting in the EBC lounge right now enjoying the company of many of my school friends. Bible college jokes abound, and coffee flows freely as the fifteen minute cram before the 1'o clock classes begin.
I can't think of anything else to write.
the end.
Monday, February 2, 2009
a lovely kind of freedom
Over the course of my life I have found myself subject to a certain amount of anxiety and tension based upon a fear of not being good enough. I had this standard burned into my head that would never let me rest on a vacation, sleep in late, walk through a mall without sharing the gospel or live normally without debilitating guilt. It always pained my conscience to tell people of the amazing freedom they could find in Christ, for my actual life bore no witness of this freedom. Instead, I lived with the ambition of being good enough for everyone. I did not want people to hate me or look down on me for being a bad Christian. Ultimately though, it was my view of God and misunderstanding of the gospel that fueled this lifestyle I grew to hate.
For as long as I can remember, I have always looked at other people and wondered why it was so easy for them. Why and how on earth were they liked when they messed up all the time? How was it that those who were the most immature got the most patience and attention from the youth group leaders, while I had to be perfect to get attention and praise. I lived in this fear of messing up. I never pin-pointed what that ultimately would look like, but I could tell you exactly how it would feel to have everyone disappointed in me.
I never realized how much these thoughts and desires completely ruled my life until this last year. I moved away from home, away from everyone who knew me, anyone who had any standard of normal for me, and slipped into a community of people who knew absolutely nothing about me. It was quite blissful to be surrounded by people who did not know me well enough to have expectations of me. I simply was, just as they simply were, and thats all there was to it.
As time passed on, and acquaintances became close friends, those familiar feelings began to tempt me again. Having wrestled through the importance of pleasing God and not others however, these fears found little foundation to rest upon, and slipped aside, unveiling an even bigger fear of mine, the root system of every fear in my soul, the fear of not being able to please God.
While this fear was not blatantly dressed as a fear of disappointing God, it took on many shapes and forms in my life that led me to that conclusion. It was not until a breakdown about a week and a half ago that this realization not only hit me, but finally resolved itself.
The very things I knew I needed to do were the things that I had to fight the hardest to enjoy. Reading my Bible for instance was and has been a struggle for me periodically throughout my life, and particularly the letters of Paul. As God would have it, I am taking two classes this semester, Romans and 2 Corinthians, that brought me down to the very pit of my fear of Paul's letters and the Bible. My fear was simple really, when reading those books, all my heart found was a discouraging discourse of everything I could be doing better in my life. I could be wanting to suffer more, trusting God more, serving more, giving more...etc. In my mind, every time I read them I felt like more of a failure. How on earth could God love such a failure. While everyone else was excited for how they were being challenged and humbled, I left class the first few weeks on the brink of tears, overwhelmed and wanting to just give up.
Perfect. Actually, I really think thats exactly where God wanted me. I finally got to the point were I stopped thinking, "ok I know what I am doing wrong, I will just suck it up and fix it." I got to the point where my heart was crying, "I just want to give up, everything seems impossibly hard. I don't even know what to do any more. I don't know who God is, I don't know what he wants for my life, I can't even suck it up and do it anymore. I am done. I want to actually want to live this life spoken about in the Bible, and only the Holy Spirit can do that through me, because I am done, I have reached the end of myself."
After that point, this beautiful thing called the gospel slowly started to become alive to me. The terrific wonder of the penalty of my sin being taken away suddenly had new depth, as I found myself to be a helpless wreck, wallowing in her own sin, waiting to be saved. No longer was I the person who could pull it all together, now I was a paralyzed sinner who had been set free. Finally realizing this completely rocked my world. It was not until I realized how helpless and sinful I actually was that the gospel became alive to me.
This new freedom that took hold of me lifted a veil from the Bible I never knew I had put on it. The veil was that I thought I knew it all already. Now, feeling like a brand new Christian, I am excitingly reading through my Bible with a fresh perspective on everything, and have abandoned my old fears of not measuring up for excitement in learning how much God loves me anyway.
My life had been heavily influenced by a prideful insecurity that was terrified of letting others down, or disappointing God. I am now realizing that my only standard to live by is to live in the beauty of the gospel. I am realizing with unspeakable joy and wonder the love my Father has for me. To think of God in any other way, or to doubt such love is making God into something he is not, a scheme the devil has used since the very beginning of time.
All day long I have been in-dwelt with a sweetness that I could feel in my arms, legs, hands, everywhere. It was the absence of anxiety, and I cherished every second of it. It is unspeakably great to know that no matter what I do, God will love me. That statement now has meaning behind it, a treasure I now hold inside my heart.
For those of you who strive every day towards a standard of which you can't even define, living in the breath of defeat, accompanied by guilt and a fear that every moment you are disappointing a God that can hardly put up with you, stop defaming the name of God by diminishing the love he has for you! If you only knew that it is the devil reaching into the most valuable treasure you own, tainting your reason for living in a way that is subtle, yet slowly killing you... you would find a lovely kind of freedom.
yes. a very lovely kind of freedom.
quite simply: you would find God.
For as long as I can remember, I have always looked at other people and wondered why it was so easy for them. Why and how on earth were they liked when they messed up all the time? How was it that those who were the most immature got the most patience and attention from the youth group leaders, while I had to be perfect to get attention and praise. I lived in this fear of messing up. I never pin-pointed what that ultimately would look like, but I could tell you exactly how it would feel to have everyone disappointed in me.
I never realized how much these thoughts and desires completely ruled my life until this last year. I moved away from home, away from everyone who knew me, anyone who had any standard of normal for me, and slipped into a community of people who knew absolutely nothing about me. It was quite blissful to be surrounded by people who did not know me well enough to have expectations of me. I simply was, just as they simply were, and thats all there was to it.
As time passed on, and acquaintances became close friends, those familiar feelings began to tempt me again. Having wrestled through the importance of pleasing God and not others however, these fears found little foundation to rest upon, and slipped aside, unveiling an even bigger fear of mine, the root system of every fear in my soul, the fear of not being able to please God.
While this fear was not blatantly dressed as a fear of disappointing God, it took on many shapes and forms in my life that led me to that conclusion. It was not until a breakdown about a week and a half ago that this realization not only hit me, but finally resolved itself.
The very things I knew I needed to do were the things that I had to fight the hardest to enjoy. Reading my Bible for instance was and has been a struggle for me periodically throughout my life, and particularly the letters of Paul. As God would have it, I am taking two classes this semester, Romans and 2 Corinthians, that brought me down to the very pit of my fear of Paul's letters and the Bible. My fear was simple really, when reading those books, all my heart found was a discouraging discourse of everything I could be doing better in my life. I could be wanting to suffer more, trusting God more, serving more, giving more...etc. In my mind, every time I read them I felt like more of a failure. How on earth could God love such a failure. While everyone else was excited for how they were being challenged and humbled, I left class the first few weeks on the brink of tears, overwhelmed and wanting to just give up.
Perfect. Actually, I really think thats exactly where God wanted me. I finally got to the point were I stopped thinking, "ok I know what I am doing wrong, I will just suck it up and fix it." I got to the point where my heart was crying, "I just want to give up, everything seems impossibly hard. I don't even know what to do any more. I don't know who God is, I don't know what he wants for my life, I can't even suck it up and do it anymore. I am done. I want to actually want to live this life spoken about in the Bible, and only the Holy Spirit can do that through me, because I am done, I have reached the end of myself."
After that point, this beautiful thing called the gospel slowly started to become alive to me. The terrific wonder of the penalty of my sin being taken away suddenly had new depth, as I found myself to be a helpless wreck, wallowing in her own sin, waiting to be saved. No longer was I the person who could pull it all together, now I was a paralyzed sinner who had been set free. Finally realizing this completely rocked my world. It was not until I realized how helpless and sinful I actually was that the gospel became alive to me.
This new freedom that took hold of me lifted a veil from the Bible I never knew I had put on it. The veil was that I thought I knew it all already. Now, feeling like a brand new Christian, I am excitingly reading through my Bible with a fresh perspective on everything, and have abandoned my old fears of not measuring up for excitement in learning how much God loves me anyway.
My life had been heavily influenced by a prideful insecurity that was terrified of letting others down, or disappointing God. I am now realizing that my only standard to live by is to live in the beauty of the gospel. I am realizing with unspeakable joy and wonder the love my Father has for me. To think of God in any other way, or to doubt such love is making God into something he is not, a scheme the devil has used since the very beginning of time.
All day long I have been in-dwelt with a sweetness that I could feel in my arms, legs, hands, everywhere. It was the absence of anxiety, and I cherished every second of it. It is unspeakably great to know that no matter what I do, God will love me. That statement now has meaning behind it, a treasure I now hold inside my heart.
For those of you who strive every day towards a standard of which you can't even define, living in the breath of defeat, accompanied by guilt and a fear that every moment you are disappointing a God that can hardly put up with you, stop defaming the name of God by diminishing the love he has for you! If you only knew that it is the devil reaching into the most valuable treasure you own, tainting your reason for living in a way that is subtle, yet slowly killing you... you would find a lovely kind of freedom.
yes. a very lovely kind of freedom.
quite simply: you would find God.
Ordinary Moments
I have decided to entitle this blog 'ordinary moments', because thats what life seems to be all about. Every day we live through moment after moment that we often find to be nothing but ordinary, normal, uneventful or even boring. Yet, it is in these every day, ordinary moments that God is weaves lessons and wisdom into our hearts that, once completed, begin to change our lives. I have often found that life changing moments are carried to me through many months of what i thought to be ordinary moments.
I would love if you would journey with me through the seemingly ordinary moments of life. For even on the most mundane days, God is working something in our hearts that one day will accomplish his will. Its a beautiful reality that rests in the every day moments we so casually acknowledge to be ordinary.
I would love if you would journey with me through the seemingly ordinary moments of life. For even on the most mundane days, God is working something in our hearts that one day will accomplish his will. Its a beautiful reality that rests in the every day moments we so casually acknowledge to be ordinary.
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