Changing

I feel like this semester has been a season in my life where I have grown in almost un-measurable ways. Having come from a place of inconsistent ideals and feelings, and still falling into them at times, I am finding myself, for the first time in my life, constant and growing, instead of merely fighting to remain in the place I stand.

Among the things that are changing, there is one that has been on the forefront of my mind lately... and while I have to make this quick because I am in the middle of doing homework... I feel as though I should write it down none-the less....

Missions.
I have wanted to be a missionary for as long as I can remember, and throughout my life taken steps to proceed towards that goal. I saw no other legitimate option for my life. Now however, instead of merely desiring and vaguely walking towards missions, I am finding a passionate feeling towards the one kind of missions that has always scared me the most.... tribal missions. Honestly, the thought of giving up all the comforts modern technology offers, living among a remote people group for 20 years, or more, and forfeiting any dreams or other ambitions I might have has not ever appealed to be as anything more than an adventurous idea....

but now as i sit her, and over the last few weeks, the comforts of this world have become uncomfortable... even target, shopping, everything seems pointless, and the outdoors appeals to me more than the mall...

While I have never been one to be completely obsessed with clothing or comfort, I have always held a typical love for it.... but... its all seeming worthless to me now in light of eternity.

I have always been very scared of tribal missions.... but ugh, something weird is changing in me, where I actually want it....

.....?

It's been awhile

Hey everyone, sorry its been a little while since my last post... life gets busy some times =)

Here is a little Japan update:
I have raised a total of 2400, so I am about half-way there! Thank you everyone who has committed to supporting me financially or through prayer, I truly appreciate it!

School here is about to give its last kick before it goes to sleep for the summer, and I am ready to have a break! Although this semester has been, by far, a time when I have learned more than ever about God, my brain is reaching its capacity, and I cant wait to spend some time outside of books learning about my creator.

I am getting more excited about Japan, still feeling a bit torn with leaving all my wonderful Indian neighbors here... but I am going to be faithful and obedient to what God is wanting me to do.

If you could be praying, a few of my closest friends here are either going to be moving this summer or are considering it.... and while they will be serving God in their obedience to move... it makes me sad to see them go. Please pray that God would provide for them, and keep providing friendships for me =)

I know it sounds kind of selfish to pray for friendships, but I am learning how much I need them, and how God uses them to carry out his will in my life. Either way, God is faithful.

Blessings
em

Things Pondered and Learned

At Cornerstone, we are learning a lot about community right now. The emphasis has been on different parts of Simi Valley coming together on a regular basis to encourage and spur each other on and to meet the needs of neighbors. While this seems like a fun and excellent thing.... I am starting to realize the sacrifices I must make... with a torn heart.

I was really excited about the whole idea of community, but now as I am realizing I am going to have to make time in my schedule at seemingly inconvenient times, suddenly I find myself more annoyed than excited... which is not okay.

I have to be honest... American Christians scare me.... and intentionally spending time with them is not really always what I want to do... but as I find myself upset at the 'lack of community,' I am now finding my attitude a large part of the problem. Yikes. Time for some tough humility and maybe some changes in my heart....

This weekend there is going to be a gathering in my community, celebrating passover...
I thought some about missing it... but not a great deal, choosing instead to go home and raise support for my trip to Japan, and going camping the few days before hand. I have already booked the sites and made all the arrangements and plans, but feel kind of sick about missing a community gathering now.... ugh.

Live and learn?

King

I learned tonight about God as my king through the book of Daniel... its pretty delightful


In all the craziness of his visions and whatnot, God was actually explaining the coming rule of the Persians, Greek and Romans.... when and where and why...


God holds the nations in his hands
HE really does


I am so grateful to serve a King

Significant Insignificance

I am realizing the significance of my own insignificance.

My mind is currently being overwhelmed by the disaster that is grace, extended towards me, in a manner that is not only completely undeserved, but even more so, in a manner that leads me to ponder why such a thing would ever even exist.

Take my life for example. I was born September 6th, 1989. Why? What admonition or work did my pre-existant life accomplish that I would be granted the opportunity of existance?

Nothing.

I am because He made.

Now, as a life, I daily pursue different ambitions, experience emotions, thoughts, convey ideas and partake in activities. I live, every day. What have I done to accomplish this?

Nothing.

I live because He makes.

Now, having established that my very existence and life has no connection to my works, let me then continue on this train of logic into the realm of salvation.

Having done nothing to be born, doing nothing to live, how is it that I could imagine that works, of a body and mind I did not form, could somehow be mine to claim and thus earn salvation? Salvation that is by definition, a completely independent rescue of my strength from my own tragedy of which I could not escape.

What is this tragedy? Sin.

I have entered into a world tainted by sin, receiving in myself upon existence a soul of death, and heart of disobedience, and a deserved wrath from a perfect God. Yet, "For God has consigned all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all.

³³Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
³⁴"For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?"
³⁵"Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?"

³⁶For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen."

Romans 11:32-36

I honestly don't get it, and yet in that... I think I am finally finding that my lack of understanding, and my realization of my own insignificance, is opening my eyes to the Glory that is my God.

That I would be included into a covenant promise of God, given to a people designated to be a holy nation, royal priesthood and a bride, that I, little, insignificant me, would be bestowed the honor of receiving this....

breaks my prideful heart

His grace is sufficient for even me