Perspectives

Its been a while since my last post.... my apologies. I have just been learning so much every day, writing everything down seems completely intimidating!

Ah man, so much has changed in my heart this past summer. The transition from a Bible school to daily ministry in Japan was SOOOO HARD! Way harder than I thought it would be... blah! But, I learned a ton, and God brought many things to my attention.

There are a few huge things I have walked away from this summer with, and millions of little things. I would love to share everything that God has done in my heart.... but that would take forever, and really... there are some parts of the process that even I don't understand enough to explain...but I will try to give some of the highlights so you all can maybe catch a glimpse of where I am at, at the moment.

1. God is real. The reality and implications of this statement... I am only beginning to touch. There were moments this past summer, when everything seemed so hard, and life was so crazy, that this simple truth became a terrorizing question mark in my life. It was a terrible yet rewarding truth to wrestle... and now that it is set firm in my heart... ah man... who knows. All I know is that its pretty much the craziest greatest news of my life

2. God is good. God really can't be anything but good honestly. This is beautiful to me. I forget this a lot. There are just too many lovely things He has put on earth to display his beauty and His goodness for us to ever think something else of Him. Think of the love you feel towards a dear family member, the hope you feel at the anticipation of something fun, the presence of laughter in your soul, even though it is merely a sound that escapes your mouth. Think of how pretty colors are... how diverse humanity is, and how intricately the cells in your body function, how your heart is beating right now, and how a big soggy mess in your head, your brain, allows you to experience emotions, unmeasurable aspects of life that can break a person down, or inspire them beyond all else. All of these things show the beauty of God, and His unspeakable goodness.

3. Genuine.
How often do I say, "God is teaching me this" or pray aloud in a way that simply is religious at best? How often to I casually or passionately live a life bound by what looks right, or what sounds right... like being 'politically correct' only... a 'christian' version. That's not what life is about. Life is about a real God who is passionate for reaching out to His creation in a genuine way. What this looks like....

4. God knows me.
What does it look like? How am I supposed to portray the genuine love of a real God? We throw His name around so casually... and yet... man... He is what life is all about. Inside of His existence, and His goodness... I find that He has made me quite different from everyone else. I have weird struggles, different passions, big weaknesses and unique strengths. God did not make me anything like you really... and hallelujah! He made me who I am, to the last cell in my body, and you who you are, for a reason. He gave me my weaknesses specifically, and same with my strengths. They all will play perfectly together to allow me to pursue the life God created me to live and display His glory in the most radiant of ways. I like it. I don't know who God has created me to be quite exactly yet... but, I am okay with that.... which brings me to my last big point (for now...)

5. I don't know.
This simple statement has been the bane of my existence the last few months of my life. Never has such a small understanding of so many great things taken a hold of my mind and my heart. I first found it terrifying when I realized I could not understand God fully (sometimes... at Bible college, I think I can if I just study enough, but then He does things that remind me... I will never figure Him totally out.) I freaked out when I found that I did not understand life, really... and that sometimes, when people have different opinions on theology or whatever, I don't know who is right, and what I even think! I don't know who I really am yet, I don't know what I am supposed to pursue specifically... I DONT KNOW.

And yet... slowly, I am becoming okay with that. In fact, when I am not careful, I even catch myself being delighted by it. How? Simple, I don't know, but God does. If I knew everything I would walk through, every path I had to take... oh my gosh would it be overwhelming. Taking life one second at a time is hard enough!! Since God is there, and He is good... and since He knows me, and genuinely loves me... I figure that... well...

its pretty much sweet.

and I am excited.

=)


the end... hehehe