Ordinary Moments

All the New in the World

2010-01-25T23:56:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of new things going on in my life right now.

New location: after a lot of consideration/ praying, I have moved to Merced, Ca... to live with my family and be apart of their ministry to college students... which means...

New school: I will now be attending Moody Bible Institute online... hopefully lots of my EBC credits will transfer over and I can continue working towards a degree in Biblical Studies... oh, also...

New Status: I am now happily courting an amazing best friend of mine, Kyle Kurth. He has shown me so much grace in the last month (ok well... over the course of all our friendship... but in a new and huge way this last month...) which God has used to lead me to the next new in my life...

New Realization: Grace-in-my-face. I am very hard on myself... always. I am a perfectionist who can never reach my own standards. I create them not only for myself, but for others, situations and anything my mind tends to wander towards. I have expectations, ideals, and they all revolve around my performance, abilities or reactions... which usually always leaves me feeling like a failure. Its pretty hard to admit, but, I try to do everything, all of the above and more, on my own strength. Not only do I desperately try to control my own reactions and emotions, I also tend to try to control my relationship with God and others based on my ability to be a certain person or fill a particular role in the relationship.

Let me explain: if I have a clearly defined role in a relationship of any kind, I have no problem rising to whatever the situation demands to fulfill it as best I can. But when I am in a relationship where I am not clearly "needed," not the leader, not the one pouring into, giving advice, supporting... I tend to collapse.

What does this have to do with grace?
Everything.

In my relationship with God, my biggest hang up tends to be my frustration with being unable to understand Him. You laugh, and we both know its impossible, but there is something inside of me that refuses to give up the notion that if I simply try a little harder, I will finally find the peace of understanding. ( Woa! Time out, you say! Emily, didn't you mean the peace that surpasses understanding? Me: "But that does make sense to me!!" You (and God chimes in on this), so, everyone together now... "THAT'S THE POINT!!" Me: 'o' )

Yep. I still don't get it.

My role in my relationship with God is not clearly defined as anything other than I am to believe Jesus came and payed the penalty for my sin, accept His grace, and live in obedience to His commands because He loves me and His commands offer blessing.

Simple enough right?
False. Well, for me anyway...

The fact that I cannot understand God means I cannot get to the bottom of who He is, and figure out who I should be to please Him (through my actions and words). He doesn't want that, from what I read in the Bible. He wants my heart, and the only way to give it to Him is for me to accept His grace.

But, the catch is.... I don't get to do anything in order to earn it. In fact, I don't even get to understand it. "SIGH!!"

Also, there is nothing I can do to please Him, because He lives in the state of being pleased.... God doesn't need me. Shocker... I know. (You would think after all this time I would already know that...)

As casually as I present this, its really hard to me to actually accept. It means I have to completely trust God... I can't depend on myself. I cannot depend on my understanding. I can't even depend on my abilities to please people, or encourage them, just so I can feel needed. No, the simple truth is that He did this because He wanted to display His love. That is so crazy to me, and, for some reason, really, really hard to accept. Why? Maybe because grace is a beauty that extends my ability to produce, replicate, understand or contain... and so, I am intimidated and feel the desire to run away.

Even in my relationship with Kyle... he is so beyond sweet and compassionate to me, showing me grace beyond what I could ever dream... and...yet, I find that my instinct is to diminish myself, find my faults, and run away. I think I am not good enough for him, that I will only slow him down... I am nothing but an illusion of greatness to him, and once he sees the real me, if he ever does.... i will just exhaust him. He has told me over and over again of his tender care for me and proven his love toward me... yet something still stands in the way.

I think its the same something that keeps me from accepting the grace of God.

Right now, this is a list of a few parts of that something...
~Fear
~Doubt/ not enough faith
~Anger
~Frustration
~Lack of understanding
~Memories of Pain
~Desire for control
~The nature of grace

These are the punches I throw at my savior as He offers me grace... these are the obstacles preventing me from trusting Him right now.

The nature of grace is that I do not deserve it... which is the very reason I think I should not receive it...

What about you?

What keeps you from accepting grace?

His Bride

2009-10-02T12:04:00.000-07:00

Hey, here is a song I have been working on lately. It is a mirror of Ezekiel 16 and the story of Hosea

HIS BRIDE

PRE-VERSE

She’s dressed in white

He’s standing there, waiting for his bride

The music starts to play, softly

The guests all rise

Here comes the bride

VERSE 1

It was the perfect wedding and

It seemed it couldn’t be better and

Yet she strayed

She stole his promises

Took his heart and

Walked away

PRE-CHORUS

And she took the dress he made her

And sold it for a favor to a stranger

Who took his bride

CHORUS

There was crying in the church that day

As he watched his precious bride walk away

And as he looked at her one last time

He searched for his reflection in her eyes

VERSE 2

Walking the streets

She lit her red candles every evening

A tempting harlot

Brazenly charming all who passed by

A voice like wine

Caressing the lusts of the city each night

She cries out

Her scarlet ambitions

From temples adorned with the beauty

He gave her

PRE-CHORUS

And with tears he watched

His harlot play

An alluring flower,

Obsessed with her fame

Weary and jealous

He let her go

CHORUS 2

And there was crying in his house that day

As he let his precious bride slip away

And as he looked at her one last time

Gone was his reflection in her eyes

Bridge

Yet despite the pain she gave him

He couldn’t let her go

Though disgrace had embraced her

He appeased the debt she owed to the strangers

Through a gift in a manger

As he claimed her once again

And with blood and tears

He set her free

Absolving the debt of her harlotry

He adorned himself in her scarlet red

shame

It cost him everything to make her clean again

PRE-VERSE

She’s dressed in white

He’s standing there, waiting for his bride

The music starts to play, softly

The guests all rise

Here comes his bride

And as he looked at her one last time

he saw his reflection in her eyes

Perspectives

2009-08-22T22:30:00.001-07:00

Its been a while since my last post.... my apologies. I have just been learning so much every day, writing everything down seems completely intimidating!

Ah man, so much has changed in my heart this past summer. The transition from a Bible school to daily ministry in Japan was SOOOO HARD! Way harder than I thought it would be... blah! But, I learned a ton, and God brought many things to my attention.

There are a few huge things I have walked away from this summer with, and millions of little things. I would love to share everything that God has done in my heart.... but that would take forever, and really... there are some parts of the process that even I don't understand enough to explain...but I will try to give some of the highlights so you all can maybe catch a glimpse of where I am at, at the moment.

1. God is real. The reality and implications of this statement... I am only beginning to touch. There were moments this past summer, when everything seemed so hard, and life was so crazy, that this simple truth became a terrorizing question mark in my life. It was a terrible yet rewarding truth to wrestle... and now that it is set firm in my heart... ah man... who knows. All I know is that its pretty much the craziest greatest news of my life

2. God is good. God really can't be anything but good honestly. This is beautiful to me. I forget this a lot. There are just too many lovely things He has put on earth to display his beauty and His goodness for us to ever think something else of Him. Think of the love you feel towards a dear family member, the hope you feel at the anticipation of something fun, the presence of laughter in your soul, even though it is merely a sound that escapes your mouth. Think of how pretty colors are... how diverse humanity is, and how intricately the cells in your body function, how your heart is beating right now, and how a big soggy mess in your head, your brain, allows you to experience emotions, unmeasurable aspects of life that can break a person down, or inspire them beyond all else. All of these things show the beauty of God, and His unspeakable goodness.

3. Genuine.
How often do I say, "God is teaching me this" or pray aloud in a way that simply is religious at best? How often to I casually or passionately live a life bound by what looks right, or what sounds right... like being 'politically correct' only... a 'christian' version. That's not what life is about. Life is about a real God who is passionate for reaching out to His creation in a genuine way. What this looks like....

4. God knows me.
What does it look like? How am I supposed to portray the genuine love of a real God? We throw His name around so casually... and yet... man... He is what life is all about. Inside of His existence, and His goodness... I find that He has made me quite different from everyone else. I have weird struggles, different passions, big weaknesses and unique strengths. God did not make me anything like you really... and hallelujah! He made me who I am, to the last cell in my body, and you who you are, for a reason. He gave me my weaknesses specifically, and same with my strengths. They all will play perfectly together to allow me to pursue the life God created me to live and display His glory in the most radiant of ways. I like it. I don't know who God has created me to be quite exactly yet... but, I am okay with that.... which brings me to my last big point (for now...)

5. I don't know.
This simple statement has been the bane of my existence the last few months of my life. Never has such a small understanding of so many great things taken a hold of my mind and my heart. I first found it terrifying when I realized I could not understand God fully (sometimes... at Bible college, I think I can if I just study enough, but then He does things that remind me... I will never figure Him totally out.) I freaked out when I found that I did not understand life, really... and that sometimes, when people have different opinions on theology or whatever, I don't know who is right, and what I even think! I don't know who I really am yet, I don't know what I am supposed to pursue specifically... I DONT KNOW.

And yet... slowly, I am becoming okay with that. In fact, when I am not careful, I even catch myself being delighted by it. How? Simple, I don't know, but God does. If I knew everything I would walk through, every path I had to take... oh my gosh would it be overwhelming. Taking life one second at a time is hard enough!! Since God is there, and He is good... and since He knows me, and genuinely loves me... I figure that... well...

its pretty much sweet.

and I am excited.

=)

the end... hehehe

Enjoying the Blessings

2009-07-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

After getting back from Japan, I spent a few days here in Simi Valley, and then I traveled to Merced, where my family is now living, then on to Oregon for a wedding, back to Merced, and with a small de-tour through Los Banos to see some old friends, I am finally back in Simi Valley for a while.... FHEW!

It has been a very eventful last few months for me, and I am savoring some down time.... to say the least. Usually I have a very hard time just relaxing, and while I was home in Merced, I found myself stressed out and unable to take advantage of the opportunity to relax with my family. It was really hard, but brought out some really good conversations with my parents, and I was able to share with them many things that had been building up in my heart.

After coming back to Simi, and being able to just spend some alone time in my apartment, I have been feeling the stress slowly melt away. Every day has held something new, and today I have just found a beautiful relaxed peace in my heart.

I feel like this is a time of restoration for me, and in my heart I hear a faint whisper that something great is to come. Maybe soon, I will get to share the gospel with my neighbors, or perhaps, God will reveal something beautiful about himself to me. Until that time though, I am learning to patiently wait for Him and have busied myself in learning more about my Savior Jesus, and the great love he offers all those who come to him.

At Long Last

2009-07-09T19:37:00.000-07:00

My goodness, time has absolutely flown by since my last update! I am sure you are all wondering what in the world is going on, where I am, and what has happened since my last update!

I will try to fill you all in....

My team got back into Japan last Monday after a wonderful trip to Hakone (just outside of Tokyo) for our team retreat. Hakone is known for it's Japanese style baths, as well as Yunessun, the 'Disneyland of Spas' http://www.yunessun.com/english/yunessun.html You can enjoy a coffee scented/flavored hot bath as well as one with green tea, wine or even Sake. It was a unique experience our whole team truly enjoyed!

Before we left for Hakone though, God worked in our last few days on campus in some beautiful ways. Although the spiritual climate of Japan is extremely hard, we were able to build into friendships that will hopefully, if not already, be used to express the gospel through the love of God. I had one particularly awesome experience with a girl named Chika who was very interested in learning more about Christianity, though just for academic purposes. I was able to share the gospel with her however, and she came to our last outreach (the American Party). It was there that we had a wonderful talk, and I discovered the potential for a beautiful friendship with her =)

Also, while we were in Hakone, getting dinner one night, God opened up an opportunity for me to have a spiritual conversation with a Japanese mom who was there with her Husband and son on vacation. She has already emailed me with an expressed interest in learning more english... and more about the Bible! So awesome!

As for being back in America, the transition was easier than I thought at first, and then, over the last few days, has been pretty hard. I have been wrestling through many things these last few months, and have found that many of the basic principles of having a realtionship with God to be challenging...

Through the process of sharing my faith, and the gospel, almost daily, I came to realize that there are some parts of having a relationship with God that I am not as confident in as I would like to be. I have found myself questioning some very basic truths, which, although can be very scary, have opened my eyes to a desperate need for faith which I am asking God for. My natural tendancy in this is to become anxious and really discouraged, but my prayer is that God is working something great, and that He would lead me to a new found confidence in Him. I ask that you would please pray the same.

I will be trying to keep you all updated as I continue to email contacts I have in Japan, and I would love some updates on how all of you are doing, as well as any way my trip to Japan or praying for me/my team/our ministry has impacted or encouraged you.

I sign off with love
em

News!

2009-06-20T18:30:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone, sorry its been sooo long since my last blog post! We have been super busy here in Japan, and sometimes with all activity going on, its hard for me to process through things enough to blog. I will do my best though to update you on the last week or so...

The week before this last one was challenge week. We had to get up an hour earlier and stay on campus an hour longer. To be honest, it was exhausting and a really hard week for me. I was able to have some great conversations... but overall I felt tired and worn out mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

I will try to write more on that week, but its hard to remember too many details at the moment... sorry! The week did end well though with our Discover Friends Party.

The party was planned so that we would have a fun atmosphere to invite students to as we ate together, played some games and presented the gospel. I was the Emcee... which went great (for the most part... there was a slight hang up when I announced we were all going to dance, when really a dance team had prepared something for everyone to watch... oh communication through a language barrier... fun stuff...)

This week seemed to hold the promise of a bit more sleep, and shorter, easier days on campus. While the week started out pretty well, by the end I was completely done emotionally, physically and spiritually. I has been a great week through, and many fun events took place.

On Wednesday night, our whole team went out to dinner, and then did Karaoke... which was a blast! Thursday night I got to go out with one of my teammates, and a girl she has been reaching out to. We went to Shijuku for food and shopping... =)

Friday night was... awesome as well. The guys on our team planned a creative date, which included a mysterious invitation with flowers and chocolate, an evening of delicious food (which they made), poems, skits and more... all provided in love from our dear brothers. It was so sweet!!!

That brings us to yesterday... and insane... not-so-restful-rest-day. Haha... okay, so Saturday is supposed be our rest day, but usually we end up going somewhere fun, and spend the whole day doing things. Yesterday was no exception, as our whole team went to Tokyo Disney Sea. It was a very loooooong day (we met to leave at 7am... and did not arrive home until after midnight). Needless to say, I took a few naps during the day... usually while we were waiting in line for a ride. One line, that lasted about an hour and a half, provided me with the oppoturnity to learn how to sleep standing up, and walk every5 or so minutes. I am pretty sure I don't remember much of that line... haha.

Anyways, today is Sunday, and in about 30 min we will be leaving for church. I am excited to go, and am praying that it will be a good re-charge time for me. My heart feels completely spent, and I feel like I have been wrestling through a lot of things that...well... I am tired of wrestling through. Even yesterday, I found myself unable to just relax and enjoy the day becuase I have been trying to find out different things about my relationship with God. I know that my relationship with Him maybe shouln't be stressful, but, it has been and is... and I am tired and looking forward to just spending some time resting at church during worship and the sermon.

As we enter our last week here in Japan, I ask that you please lift up my team. We are going to have to push hard to hand off relationships to staff, and share the gospel as much as we can these last few days we have on campus. Pray for the leaders, that we would not feel burnt out, and that we would feel full of excitement and joy.

Thank you so much, and I will try to post some more pictures and stories soon!
em

Update

2009-06-06T18:08:00.000-07:00

It is such a beautiful day here in Koeni! I went out this morning to grab some breakfast and was greeted by blue, clear, sunny skies and the promise of a warm and lovely day. It has been raining almost every day here, which has been fun and beautiful, in its own way... but its a delightful change... and I am looking forward to being outside a bit today =)

Last night, after blogging, I had a wonderful time of prayer and reflection. It is amazing to me, because when I started to pray, I found amazing peace in my heart, and a curious absence of everything that has been making me anxious these last few weeks. It was beautiful. I am realizing the preciousness of God's love. Though I felt like the last few weeks were difficult, God's love proved stronger, more beautiful and faithful than even my greatest moments of hardship. I cannot believe how much He loves me. I remember praying a few nights ago, in the shower (great place for prayer... haha) asking God to please open my eyes to His love...

Sometimes when I think of God, the picture that comes into my heart is of a God who is big, strong, all powerful... and somewhat frightening. While those qualities can prove comforting, it is only through the realization that this God, more powerful than all else, loves me with a love as great as His power. I forget that.... a lot, but God is faithful to remind me, that I am loved... and precious. And, that quiets my heart, fills me with thankfulness, and makes me smile.

I am so thrilled to be sharing this love with students in Japan... most of whom do not even know this kind of love exists, aside from their dissapointment in relationships and life...and yet even in that, while they may desire or hope for something more... they do not know where to turn. But, God being so great and loving, has tenderly brought a group of students to them, just to let them know.

How great is our God.

Here are some pictures from the day my campus team went to ICU High School. This day turned out to be such a great blessing and I was encouraged beyond words at the responses of some of the students. I posted a more detailed blog a few days ago with more detailed stories.. but here are some pictures for those of you who have already read them.

Here are some of my teammates leading discussion groups during an english lunch we promoted. This is an opportunity for students to practice their english, and a chance for us to share the gospel. It works out quite beautifully =)
Here is one of my teammates, Amy, sharing her testimony to a group of Sophmore students. It was a powerful time, and in the course of two days, over 110 students heard about God's love.

Here I am leading a discussion group after two of my teammates shared their testimony in front of a class full of students. I was able to share some of my testimony, and have some beautiful talks with many students who opened up and shared a bit of their hearts. At one point, I had to hold back tears, as one student (unknowingly) admitted that he desired unconditional love, greater than anything he had ever been able to 'earn.' He really wanted to just be loved for who he was. To tell him about the love of God at that moment was... beyond words. Pray for Jembae.

And finally, this is fun, I got to see my friend Andy yesterday. He is on staff with Crusade as a STINTer in Nagoya (one of the 3 largest cities in Japan) and among the first team of Australian STINTers to Japan ever. I met Andy when I was in Australia a few years ago, and he stopped by when he was in the states. We have now spend time together on three different continents... so awesome! Pray for his team...they are reaching the lost in another part of Japan so desperate to hear of God's love.

Finally, my love to everyone who is reading this. God is doing some powerful things in my heart, and...I am experiencing Him in ways that are direct answers to prayer. The gratitude in my heart, and love for the lost... God has grown in my heart beyond my ability to express. This is what I want to do with the rest of my life... I can think of nothing else, nothing that even comes close to the passion I have for telling others about God's love.

Thank you all for your prayers!

So Long and Thanks for all the Fish

2009-06-06T05:58:00.000-07:00

Today most of my team woke up at 4am (yes, you saw that right...) to go to Tsukiji Fish Market... one of the world's largest fish markets. Here is a little blurb I pulled off the internet....

Tokyo Central Wholesale Market handled 787,782 tons (2,888 tons a day) of marine products, 748 billion yen (2.8 billion yen a day) total in 1993. Some 450 kinds of fish are received; this figure is unparalleled in the world. Marine products sections are set up in three markets: Tsukiji, Ohta and Adachi. Above all Tsukiji Market, handling 87% of the total amount, is one of the biggest markets in the world.

Needles to say, it was an incredibly early morning... and I did not get more than 3hrs of sleep the night before... so a nap midway through the day proved to be a delightful treat. Here are some pictures...

The day started soo early... and I was sooo tired... haha

Mmmm... yummy

So big! I could not get over the different sizes and varieties of fish at this market... this one had to be at least 5ft long... and some were so small, you could grab handfuls for mere pennies. There were brown, red, blue.... crazy...colors of fish in every shape imaginable...

If you would like to see more pictures, I have some albums up on facebook that I would be delighted for you to look through...

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=115345&id=712908464&l=c866b6cdd8
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=114144&id=712908464&l=d6dc49c722
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=112448&id=712908464&l=622768e9f6
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=112285&id=712908464&l=f250cf4d28

I will be blogging more tomorrow hopefully... thank you all for praying and for the encouraging comments!!!

Good Day

2009-06-05T06:09:00.000-07:00

To everyone who prayed... it worked!! Today was such an encouraging day to me, even though it was incredibly early and long...

We woke up at about 6:15 and were at the train by 7:15, got to Musashisakai by 7:45 and ICU High School by 8:30am. Whew! We then went in, shared testimonies with two different classrooms, had discussions, passed out flyers, ate lunch and hosted an english discussion group, planned for the next week, debriefed, took stats, small nap, food, games and now... BED!

Okay so, in my last post I mentioned that my campus team got banned from one of our main schools. I knew that God was doing something big, and was excited, but slightly overwhelmed as everything got thrown up into the air... Well... God did have something awesome planned.

Today, instead of going to ICU Univeristy, we were able to go to ICU High School, and share our testimonies and have AWESOME discussion times. We reached out to over 112 students today, each of them hearing multiple testimonies, and partaking in discussion groups we were able to lead. At one point, after sharing a part of my testimony that involved me explaining how I used to always feel the need to do things for people in order to make them like/love me... and how I had carried that over to God (to discover He loves me the way I am because of Christ) one of the sophomore guys in one of my groups opened up and said he felt the same way alot (this took a lot of bravery, he was the only guy in the group, had to have his feelings translated by one of his classmates, a cute girl, and hello... Japanese don't share their feelings... really... and did you in Highschool?!) I had to hold back tears. Some of the other girls in the same group asked really probing questions and worked really hard to make sure I was undestanding them so they could get the right answers... it was AMAZING!!

Honestly, I could do this the rest of my life... its going to be really hard to go home.

Also... on Monday (not sure if I blogged this or not...) I had an AWESOME discussion with a student on Gaidai University, and she and I are going out to lunch on Monday. She is really excited, and also really opened up to me. I told her part of my testimony about how I delt with not having a boyfriend, how God filled that place in my heart, and how I got to that point (through high school and daily prayer...) it was sweeeeet. She opened up to me about that portion of her life and like... wow. Its amazing to me how many different aspects to my testimony there are.... like, I never knew... but God is showing me that He had a plan for everything in my life that I have ever walked through/struggled through.

Its a good reminder, even as I wrestle through things now, to know that one day God will/could use them to bring people to himself. Its a worthy cause to suffer for.

Okay, pray I go home.. haha, just kidding. Seriously though... come to Japan... it will be so hard, so rewarding, so tiring and SO WORTH IT.

Love you all

ps. one of my contacts at ICU that I am no longer able to visit emailed me and said she still REALLY wanted to get together...

its going to suck leaving all these friendships behind... gah.

Prayer Needed

2009-06-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,

Okay so... we found out today that my team has been forbidden to set foot on one of the campuses we are doing ministry on. The authorities on that campus have been watching us, and know who the students we are talking to and who are involved with Student Impact are... and have threatened to not allow them to graduate should our activity on campus continue. The campus team I am co-leading has taken this hard.. but good. We are seeing the effects of the gospel in a way none of us really expected, and while it is exciting to be in the midst of the movement, the fact that we will no longer be able to spend time with those who we were building relationships with is.... hard. We are going to be trying to email students whose contact information we have.... but we are not able to go to them, and will have to ask them to meet us off campus.

The student leaders, one in particular, is taking this very hard, and I would ask that right now you lift him up in your prayers, as well as the few other Christians on campus to whom this news might discourage. Our team has been re-directed temporarily to a high school and will be involved with an event that was already scheduled to take place.... God is good.

This, as well as the rest of the trip and all it holds has proven stressful at times, and there are a few other things that need to be lifted up in prayer as well. It seems as if the devil is attacking the girl leaders right now.... expressed through physical hindrances.

The co-leader of the other campus team had to have a minor operation to drain an abscessed cyst at the end of her tailbone, which not only made the 11+ hour flight incredible uncomfortable, but has proven to affect her health, and kept her in bed almost the entire trip with a cold, fever, and other signs of infection. Thankfully she was able to go to a doctor today, and I will be going with her for a follow up visit tomorrow.

The co-leader of our trip, and the girls leader, Heather, experienced excruciating pain in her back tonight that left her stumbling in the door, crying and unable to move. She is doing better now, but... just pray for her....

And... as much as I don't want to include myself in this list, I just honestly need prayer for my back and shoulders as well. I have been experiencing horrible pain in my shoulders and neck in the form of muscle spasms and cramps. Its very sharp, and constant, and I can feel it pulling all the way down my back, into my arms and at times into my face. I have been getting some lovely back massages from my roommates, but it is extremely uncomfortable, and carrying a back-pack or purse around on campus has proved.... really painful. Ugh, I don't want to complain, but I really need prayer.

Obviously the devil is scared, and God is allowing our faith to grow... He is merciful and faithful beyond our knowledge, and the peace and wisdom he has is beyond understanding... something incredibly comforting in all of this. If you could please just pray for the three guy leaders, that they would not experience anymore opposition... one of them broke out entirely in an itchy rash all over his whole body... and the other two... I just pray they would find strength.

In all of this however, we are experiencing much joy! One of my teammates led someone to Christ today!! The gospel was shared thoroughly to at least two interested students, and friendships were formed that could potentially carry the gospel to open hearts. It was such an encouraging day for me today... and although I am so exhausted emotionally from everything that is going on... God in His mercy has allowed me to take the day off tomorrow, and instead of going on campus, I will be spending time with Jess as she and I make our way to the doctors again. We will be traveling on multiple trains, and the trip takes well over an hour, so be in prayer for that as well.

Love you all... pray for us, but rest in the Faithful, Merciful hands of God, because He cares for you =)

ps. I got to experience being completely packed into a train tonight, and it was really fun and exciting. We got on, and just when I thought the train was full, they started pushing people in.... more.. and more... and more. I could not move AT ALL, and I have never been that crowded in my life.... but it was kind of fun.... haha, and such an awesome experience!

A Few Days in the Life of...ME

2009-05-31T06:44:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures of what I get to experience every day, along with some stories and explanations. Thank you all for your continuing support, both through prayer, and those of you who so graciously have supported me and my team financially. You do not know how much it encourages me to know that some of you are praying for me daily... thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Here is a view outside the front of my apartment during the day

This is a picture from Gaidai University, one of three Universities my team is spreading the good news to

The girl with the red bag. So, earlier that day, my co-team leader said that during his devotions, he just got in his head an image of a girl with a red bag, and with much hesitation he shared this with me, advising me to take it for what it was. Well, I honestly am very apprehensive about those sort of things, and settled in my mind to think nothing of it. Well, later that day, the only spiritual conversation I had was with this lovely student, who happened to have a red bag. God has a since of humor, and a way of showing his handiwork. Take it for what it is, merely evidence of God's hands at work while we are here =)

This is a fun one, here is a picture of me at Gaidai University at the same place I took a picture the last time I was here. It seriously has been amazing seeing all of these places again, I honestly did not think I would ever return here... but it is both humbling and encouraging to see how God has brought me back here, to beautiful Japan once again. I wonder what He is doing with me =)

This is a cute coffee shop called Poem Coffee. All the strores here are named something cute. Another one of my favorite coffee places is called Precious Coffee Moments. Seriously, does it get better???

I think I have shared with many of you how interesting the toilets are here. In most places you can either go squatty-potty style, or test out one of these, if you find yourself so brave. I have not... haha, but the opportunities contine to present themselves. Perhaps one of these times, I will adjust the pressure and the temperature, play the music and experience the whole pannel of buttons available to me. Until then... here is a picture...

Some TALL bamboo at ICU university, one of the universities we minister to

MITAKA!! This is the view from the little portion of Tokyo I 'lived' at while I was here in Japan amost two years ago. It is so beautiful, and so good to be back.

I honestly love the food here, and I have yet to miss anything American. Yeah, thats a raw egg, and no, I dont really know what the rest of it is... but it was delicious, or oishi, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!!

Here is another picture of me at ICU. It has been raining the last week here... and I really love it!!

On Saturday, most of our team took a trip to a different part of Tokyo to see the Imperial Palace (we could not go inside, but here is a view of part of the outside...)

One of my teammates Kimi and I having fun in front of some fountains

A little later that day, we traveled to Asakasa, and four of us found ourselves in a charming traditional Japanese restaurant where you sit on little cushions on the ground. Its quite lovely, for about 10minutes, until your legs fall asleep... hmmmm

We all still enjoyed the experience!! Left to right: Matt, my co-team leader, Me, Kimi and Traci

This is what I ordered... sorry for the bad picture, but it had Shrimp, crab, egg, noodles, either mushroom or some kind of strange fish, and a lot of other random things I had no way to identify. Yum, food and an adventure all at the same time.

After eating we went over to the Asakasa Temple, a famous temple where many people still go to worship today. Here are some people brushing smoke on themselves. They are trying to bless themselves.

Here is a picture of everyone walking up to the temple. It was so sad. When I walked up the steps and into the temple, I broke down in tears, and had to run out of it. I cannot explain to you, and with tears approching me even now I am weighted with the realization of seeing people flood up steps to worship satan. They are so lost, and they don't even know. I don't know if you have ever experienced it, but seeing people worshiping idols, worshiping evil, seeing people so deceived... it completely broke my heart. Please, take a moment, and sob if you must for those who are slaves, who know not the creator for whom they long to worship, who are blinded, who are being led towards death. Victory is Mine, declares the Lord.... but the god of this world is stealing, killing and destroying...

A few of my teammates had similar experiences in the temple... its hard to see people worshiping blindly what they do not know is leading them towards death

Japan is such a dark country spiritually... less than 2% Christian. The harvest is ripe, but the workers are few. How about it.... ever think about serving your Creator in Japan... is pretty stinking awesome here.... =)

Okay... so here are a few more interesting day-to-day things here...

One downer...the fruit here can be rediculously expensive... $40.00 for a cantelope anyone?? Haha!! Seriously...

This is lovely Koenji, the portion of Tokyo my team is living in this summer. If you go through the arch on the right, take a left at the 7-11 and a right at the small market, you will find my apartment building =)

I love it.

Well, thats about all for now. I will be posting more pictures on Facebook. I love love comments, let me know when you are praying for me and this country. Please pray for the staff here... they are working so hard, and are so few. Pray that God would break your heart for this country and move you here. Scared? Yeah...

God may not move you here, which is completely okay, God always knows best.... but keep in mind...He also just might. Be open to the possibility, but also realize the precious value of your prayers from wherever you are serving. We serve a God who does not need you or I to accomplish His will. He has ordained what will happen for every moment of every day. It is our joy and honor to be ambassadors of such a great King. And speaking from somone who was scared to come...

Trust God.

Finding Rest

2009-05-31T06:16:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, I realize it has been a while since my last blog entry... sorry!! It has been quite exciting and busy over here for me and my team!! We have spent the last week going to different campuses, reaching out to students, getting contact information, setting up meetings and trying to share the gospel... whew!! I can honestly say I am being stretched SOOO much... but in a good way. I reach the end of my strength before I even get out of bed in the morning, and by the time I get on the train, an entire day starting conversations and trying to converse with Japanese students seems completely overwhelming, but God is so faithful, and is teaching me something I did not know I did not know: I need to/can find my rest in God.

I know it seems obvious, but so often when I get stressed out, I tend to run away from God, or pin Him as what is stressing me out. When I feel anxious or afraid, I automatically think God is the one giving that to me to test me and grow me, instead of realizing He is allowing it, and is the sole place I can find rest in the midst of it. In church today, the message was on remembering the blessings of God, and trusting in Him. One of the main points that stuck out to me was that, when we forget the blessings of God, we tend to stop trusting Him, and then we become anxious and stressed out, and don't know where to turn. Ugh, that's me, big time. When the Israelites were first brought to the promise land, most of the leaders took one look at the people who inhabited it and freaked out. Because they did not trust God, he led them to walk in the wilderness for 40 years. Their experience of the wilderness could have ended the moment they decided to trust God and conquor the land, but by not trusting God they ended up putting themselves through something deathly hard. I think I often want to do the same thing. When I am faced with something that seems impossible, like, spending 5 weeks in a spiritually desolate country explaining the gospel to students who I have almost NO connection to and who do not even know, for the most part, who Jesus is....I want to run away... there is no way I can do that.

I start thinking... What if I don't have all the answers, what if I can't do it emotionally, what if it gets to hard, what if I have doubts, I still have so many struggles, so many questions...

....the people look so big...

But, God is so faithful. He is my rest. I am finding this to be of the utmost truth, and its hard, satan knows exactly how to get me away from finding my rest in God.... and dang it, he seems to succeed often. The pastor today said, Satan cannot ever take away your salvation, but he can steal your peace, your joy and your hope. I did not really realize that, and pinned it all on myself, thinking I was a bad Christian for not experiencing those things, but no. I am done. I will fight for my joy, my peace and my hope, they are mine in Christ Jesus, my Lord.

I say this now, sitting down after a day of rest, fellowship and encouragement, but the real test will be tomorrow, when I walk on campus. The thought already sends a bit of... fear into my heart. But, I am trusting God, with all I have, and if you think of me, and even as you read this, pray that I would be reminded to find my rest in God as I battle against the evil one for the salvation of souls. Pray that I would find God worthy in my heart, that I would not be distracted by the desires of my flesh to do something easier, and that I would find JOY in my beautiful savior.

I don't know how theologically correct this is, but I have to say, the thing I look forward to the most, is one day, seeing Jesus, and finaly being able to give Him a big hug.

Until that day, he is keeping me faithful, but pray that I would find peace and joy, that I would not allow it to be stolen, that I would remember the blessings of God, and find my rest in Him as he conforms me into the image of his son.

A song that I have been listening to a lot the last few days is called "Waiting for You" by Sevenglory. The lyrics are beautiful:

Come into my arms and I will give you rest
Will you trust me with your whole life?
Will you go into the place that I call you to be
and wait until I supply?

Only there will you find joy
Only there will you find me.

Here I am. I'm waiting for you
I'm waiting for the day when you see light
Here I am, you're never alone
Wherever you go, I am here
Trust me with your life.

I will take away the pain you hide and fill it with my love
Will you ever begin to see the reasons why you are here
and take a leap of faith into the arms of me?

He restores my soul- Ps 23

And So It Begins

2009-05-25T05:03:00.000-07:00

Today was orientation day. We made our way from Koenji to Mitaka, and met with the staff for the Western portion of the targeted Tokyo area. As some of you know, I was in Tokyo a little over a year and a half ago, and stayed in Mitaka (a little area inside of Tokyo) for about 3 weeks. When I arrived at the train station, and went down the escalator into Mitka, I started to cry... I am not sure why, but something in my heart was stirred as I was filled with excitement and disbelife that after almost two years, I had made it back.

The last time I was in Mitaka, it was in the middle of a crazy around-the-world trip I took after highschool, and I was feeling very overwhelmed and exhausted. I was graciously accepted and loved by the CCC staff here, and left with a warm heart and a desire to someday, if possible, return.

Honestly, I never really expected to return, and the fact that I am in fact back in Tokyo is quite surreal to me. I am just blown away to be back, and the need for workers here is heavy on my heart. Be praying that God would give me guidance and wisdom these next few weeks....

On a lighter note, I got to see some of my dear Japanese friends that had NO idea I was coming and greeted me with such joy and.... ahh... yes, there were tears on my part. They are so dear to me, I just love them all.

Yukiko is particularly close to my heart. While I was here, she was a constant joy to be around, and always uplifted my spirit. She is someone you cannot help but smile around. Here is a picture of us together again...

We were both so so so exited to see eachother!!!

This is Naomi, another beautiful familiar face... !!!

Later today, we also were given an 'amazing race' style challenge by our team leaders, Gen and Heather. We were split into 4 teams of 4, and given a list of tasks to accomplish. The list included taking the correct trains to get to Shibuya (a 'down town part of Tokyo) and finding random shopps, eating certain foods and taking pictures of specific things. It was a total blast... here are some pictures..

(I was here at night a last time I was in Tokyo... this is one of, if not the buisiest pedestrian intersection in the world... its amazing... )

Here is a random picture I took while crossing a street. It is always super busy here!!

Well, tomorrow is our first day on campus. I am a little apprehensive, but confident that God is the ultimate victor of whatever opposition we may face. Japan is a very dark country spiritually, and we are expecting to encounter strong opposition from the enemy... so be praying for us all. God is King though, and there is no greater power than the one to whom we belong. Praise God.

Night!!!

Konnichiwa

2009-05-24T01:15:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, I just wanted to say WE MADE IT TO KOENJI, TOKYO, JAPAN!!!

Our day of traveling from LA to Tokyo went really well, so thank you all who prayed for us. Our flight was on time, and actually arrived a bit early. We all made it through customs with surprising ease, and all of our bags arrived very quickly. We took 3 trains to get to our station, one of which (the one we were on the longest) had seats for everyone, it was delightful!!

So, what would a day of traveling be without a bit of mishap and excitement...haha, and how would Emily ever encounter such a day... well, really only one thing 'exciting' happened to me, and it had to do with an unfortunate water situation on the airplane. After getting through security, I filled my empty (BIG) water bottle for the plane ride, and prepared to stay fully hydrated for the 11ish hour flight. Well, between the sip I took before loading, and getting settled on the plane, I discovered that the lid had not been put on, and ALL the water had spilled all over the floor below my seat, drenching my pillow, sweatshirt, extra clothing and a few other things. Haha!! Thankfully it truly was not a big issue, and everything worked out just fine!

I am THRILLED to be back in Japan, I seriously just LOVE it here!!! Ahh!! My team is so awesome, and I have had the awesome privilage of being selected to be one of 4 campus leaders (?!?!).

Here are some pictures and a video (hopefully it works) for you all!! There will be an album posted on Facebook soon that I will post a link to. Please fill free to leave comments!

Some of the team at meal time during briefing

Almond Fish... dried fish and slivered almonds... yummm. A common snack food in Japan..

The team-building activity that required us to eat the little guys (fish)

READY.SET.GO!!!

Excited on the way to the AIRPORT

WE CANT WAIT!!! One of my new AWESOME friends, Jess

Leaving Briefing

The plane that got us to Japan!!

I'M IN JAPAN!!!!

The group of Campus leaders (minus one, who took the picture)
Left to right: Matt (my parter, an MK who grew up in Papua New Guinea!) Me, Jess, Heather and Gen (our group leaders!) and not pictured, Kylan.
Pray for us!!

Our God

2009-05-21T22:41:00.000-07:00

Today was such an encouraging day for me!

This whole week has been amazing, seriously, and not at all what I expected. I came into this week just expecting to endure a bunch of silly 'team building' games, but I have found myself soaking in precious information about cross cultural evangelism and mannerisms and customs of Japan, as well as a genuine taste of intentional community among my teammates. God is so good! I feel so refreshed and back on track, I just love being around people... and, the people here are especially amazing. Singing in a room with teams of people going overseas either that night or the next day is an experience beyond comparison. Knowing we have all taken the step and answered the call, is just beautiful. Being in a room full of ambassadors who are actively moving... ah.

Knowing I have been chosen to be apart of this precious group is such an amazing blessing to my heart. In the weeks before this trip, I experienced so much discouragement through friends leaving, school ending and just.... it seemed like everything was over and my world was crashing down around me. I felt like I did not even want to come on this trip, and was just so down... but GOD IS FAITHFUL. He held my hand as I stumbled about, and taught me truths that cannot be expressed in words.

To Nicole who graciously listened my phone calls filled with tearful frustration and doubt, and encouraged me with truth and challenged me in love... thank you!!!

To Bethy, my dearest and lovely friend and roommate, for all of the pillow talks about truth, life and well... wordless conversations... okay seriously, God has blessed me with you in a way that lets me KNOW he loves me. You are the best friend, i love you and I am praying for you!

To Sarah, who sat with me and ran errands with me when I felt overwhelmed, you kept me going and showed me the mercy of God. I love you!!

There are so many others who have encouraged me throughout this whole semester that it would honestly take me a month to write everything down... so if I did not include you, know that its not becuase you have just skipped my mind or I have forgotten your impact, you know who you are, and you should know that I appreciate you beyond words. The encouragement you have all given me, God has used in such a way as to allow me to now carry His name to a nation that does not know Him yet.

I know this trip will have its ups and downs, and I know that there will be times of hardship coming my way, but right now I am experiencing joy and peace, and I am just STOKED to be going back to Japan TOMORROW!!!! LIKE SERIOUSLY!!!! AHHHHH

Also, for a team of 16 who needed over $19,000... just a few days ago...we now only need around $1,200. God provided an excess of $1,425 for me through all of you that went towards a teammate who needed money to get to Japan. Eternal blessings.

Well, now I have to try and sleep. I will try to update when we get to Japan. Pray for us all, we have an early morning tomorrow, a ride to the airport, looong flight, train tickets to buy, a few trains to catch and apartments to move into before we will have the chance to sleep again. Pray especially for our leaders, Gen and Heather, as they have to endure all of this, and keep track of 15 college students, some of whom have never been overseas before. I am excited and expecting to find more evidence of God's faithfulness.

Sorry this got long. Leave comments please!!!
love to you all
OUR GOD IS FAITHFUL
selah

Update

2009-05-21T16:08:00.000-07:00

So, as many of you have been (hopefully not too annoyingly) seeing, I have been asking for more money to help my teammates get to Japan. We started out with a $19,000 deficit, and last I heard, we were below $5,000... which is AMAZING. I know that we are well below that, as so many people have stepped up to the plate and pledged even more money, or for the first time. Just so you know, you have all given around $1,050 that will go towards getting a teammate of mine overseas.

The sacrifices you have made is truly cherished, and I am praying that you gave with joy with an eternal perspective full of trust in God's faithfulness and rejoicing in our unfading hope of what is to come.

The outcome of your selflessness will not only help send someone overseas, but maybe impact their lives and send them in the direction of a vocation of a missionary overseas where they will impact lives that you may one day see in heaven! How sweet!!!

Sorry if I have been annoying... in my excitement to challenge and see God work, I have been eager in my attempts to raise support... but I realize this may have rubbed some of you the wrong way... my apologies. Just wanted to catch everyone where they were at, and make sure that everyone had the opportunity to give!!

We are leaving for Japan TOMORROW MORNING!!! AND I AM SO SO SO PUMPED!!
My team is absolutely awesome, and the girls on the team are especially rad. God is so good!

I will keep updating this blog as we get to Japan and start our ministry there! Pictures soon!

Where there is {Gods} will, there is a way

2009-05-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, I am currently at Vanguard University in Costa Mesa California for a few days of briefing before heading out to JAPAN!!!

I am super excited for what God is going to do this summer, and I do not say that lightly... God really has some amazing things in store... I just know it... which brings me to an urgent need that I have just been made aware of...

TAKE THE TIME TO READ THIS... I KNOW ITS LONG... BUT AT LEAST PRAY =) !!!

My tokyo team is still 19,000 dollars short for what we need to go overseas on friday. While each student is responsible for raising their own support, we have been encouraged to ask that,he request and need be made known to our supporters, so that even as we individually reach our own goals, any extra money available could go towards someone who does not have their support raised. If each student does not have their individual amount of 5,100 raised, they are not permitted to go to Japan with the team on Friday. Our Father can work mightily, and I am so excited to see what he is going to do these next few days. I would be delighted if you could pass this on so that others could be involved, not only in giving, but in the rewards that come from coming before God and seeing his work accomplished.

If anyone does wish to give, I need to know asap the amount they are willing to donate, and then please advise them to make a check out to Campus Crusade for Christ with Tokyo A, Emily Niemond in the memo. I am nearly at 100% for my support, but any extra will send another teammate with us to Japan.

The address the checks should be sent to is:
Campus Crusade for Christ
C/O Chrissy Tsai
16 Technology Dr Suite # 205
Irvine, Ca 92618

You can also donate online at: https://give.ccci.org/give
my student desigation # is 5512570

You can contact me through my email or phone 209.261.9980

I am confident that God's will is going to be accomplished, and I am excited to see just what it will be. Please encourage others to join with our team as we join with God as he works out his plan for this summer in our lives.

To all of you who have already graciously offered your financial support, know that you have invested into eternal rewards, and I am so so so appreciative of your sacrifice!!

Tomorrow... Tomorrow... I love ya... tomrrow

2009-05-18T12:33:00.000-07:00

So, I am leaving tomorrow for briefing and then on Thursday... I AM OFF TO JAPAN!!

This last week has been very difficult, but man, I am learning so much. I have been praying and asking God that He would be the most real thing to me, and that I would not just be following what all my friends are doing at School... but truly following Him regardless of those around me. Its been tough, but God is revealing some beautiful things to me... packaged differently than I would have originally liked, but they are beautiful none-the-less.

I have a pretty crazy day ahead of me, and I am off at the moment to buy a camera for my trip... fun fun... lol. I love you all, keep me in your prayers please. I will try to keep you all updated!!!

em

Saying Goodbye

2009-05-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

This last week has been a hard one for me.

I had to say goodbye to many of my best friends, some for a week, some for a summer, and some for an unknown amount of time. I never really realized how hard saying goodbye was... but as I sit here, feeling a lot of sadness in my heart, and a lot of wetness on my cheeks, I can say with confidence that this truly is so much harder than I thought it would be.

Bethany- I know you are coming home tonight, but your stinking flights keep getting delayed... and I miss you. I need a hug.

I am learning how to be honest with God right now though, and with school done, I can't hide inside of my homework and escape... I have to just deal with everything straight out. It hurts a lot, but God is so faithful... amen.

Please pray that God would continue to work in my heart these next few days before I leave, and that he would be merciful as I find hope through hardships.

I am finding hope and peace in God in beautiful ways right now. =)

Quickly

2009-05-04T23:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I don't understand things it makes me feel like a failure. Like, when I don't understand the justice of God... or the love of God, I immediately separate myself from Him with my self-imposed hopelessness.

I just wish I could understand God, and sometimes at Bible college, I feel like its a possibility....we take classes, write papers, have discussions and use big words... but, despite all the things I have going for me, its as if I keep failing somehow, that am unable to attain what mere understanding would grant me.

But... Bible college really can't teach me everything about God...and my failings... well, those are in God's hands too.

I'm just a silly perfectionist that God is humbling.

The Fraility of Life

2009-05-04T11:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to a viewing for a highschool girl who was a co-worker with my roommate Bethany. She was hit by a train earlier this week...

I have never seen a dead person before, and it has stirred a lot of thoughts in my mind... some good, some uncomfortable...

Life is such a strange phenomenon. It is trapped within us for such a short while, and then upon the damage of our bodies, it can suddenly leave. A transient value, untouchable, that somehow remains attached to that which is seen.... for only a little while. A period of time, ordained before its beginning...

What is left behind is a shell, hardly recognizable, and an expression, frozen in the moment life left behind.

It makes me think of Jesus and his followers. When he died, all hope must have left those who had put their trust in him. When you look at a body that is dead, the void of life seems to steal all thoughts of hope and life and love. It just lays there. There is nothing to that person anymore, beyond what is seen... and what defines a person, is often entirely what is not visible to the eye. Those looking at Jesus after his death must have been crushed with thoughts of hopelessness. Here was a man they had placed the hope of their souls in.. and yet, there he lay, absent of the life they had died to follow.

For days, pondery must had wracked at their hearts, begging them to question the very things they had finally found. But, all was not lost... for in a few days, their beloved leader came back to life.

Who has the authority to order life to leave, or demand it's return?
None but God. Indwelt with the Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ declared his power in an event that displayed authority unknown when he returned life into his body, and rose from the dead.

As I looked at that little girl, laying in her casket, makeup covering the doctor's attempts to stitch up her face, I realized that she had no authority over death. As I looked through pictures of her with her friends, I realized she never saw it coming. And as I looked at her parents, I knew they had no hope, for there was nothing they could do. There was nothing anyone could do to capture life and give it back to this beautiful little girl. It was finished, life had left her.

Our God reigns. Our God reigns, forever His kingdom reigns.
Death has been defeated.

That which holds the greatest authority on this earth, that which entered into humanity through Adam, that which is inescapable by even the most powerful human being, death.... has been defeated.

I don't have words yet for the emotion which fills me. But I believe that its something close to... hope.

Wisdom from A Friend

2009-05-02T12:56:00.001-07:00

My roommate Lor spilled her thoughts on control in a facebook note... I thought it was awesome, and wanted to share it with you all....

"Move me up through the darkest clouds
Till I've lost in the sun every shadow of doubt
There is no better find than to find myself with you
In a fog you are all I see
I'm inviting you closer with each time I breathe
Surrender has somehow become so beautiful"

We are control freaks. We must be in control of everything. We try to control our sleep patterns, what time to wake up in the morning, what we will eat in the morning, the route to take to work, how to handle tough situations. We try to control our weight, drama influence, what we think, what other people say, what other people think and say, what we feel…the list never ends, literally. We think that we are all-powerful and control everything. Our lives are chaotic and we think we can contain the chaos just enough to be in control. It’s all a lie.

We must not let anything slip through our seemingly vice-like grasp. The sad reality of it all is that we are weak and can’t even hold our own heads up, let alone take hold of our lives in any secure way.

We fool ourselves into thinking that can control our lives; that we are sovereign over our actions and we can mold others’ actions. It is a sad lie we tell ourselves every morning when we wake up and feel remorse about when we go to bed every night. We feel that remorse because we know that we can’t do it, but we keep trying to no avail.

Our false control over our lives has crippled us. We are slaves to ourselves; we cannot escape our own thoughts and feelings. We cannot let go because we have fooled ourselves for so long that we have a tight hold on life and letting go would be a death-sentence.

We have hope. There is someone who has control no matter what we say or think. He has the answers and the clarity to control, we do not. We are creation and he is creator and how dare we say that we can do it on our own and without him. It is ridiculous to think that I can run my own life without help. It’s a scary thought, running my on life. All that pressure of getting everything right the first time is stressful and just stupid to consider. Everyone is looking for a little help in life. The sad reality is that we usually only want help after we realize that things are not going our way and our lives are out of control. If only we could realize that we could avoid all of that by giving it all up to someone who knows what he is doing in the first place.

I pray for out of control lives; lives that are not in our hands, but God’s. Lives that are not our own, but wholly His.

I pray for dependence on God to wake up in the morning, fall asleep at night, and for everything I encounter throughout the day.

-Lauren Markling

Great is Thy Faithfulness

2009-05-01T11:06:00.000-07:00

I am working on a paper right now for my 2 Corinthians class. The paper is going to be focused on 2 Corinthians 1:3-6 which talks about comfort in the midst of suffering. While there is so much I have to say on the subject [as I am studying to write a paper on it...] the sweet and pure beauty of the comfort is something I just want to quickly share.

The comfort we have in the midst of suffering is the faithfulness of God. How sweet it is to look back through time, to read the accounts of God's faithfulness to Abraham, of his faithfulness to the Israelites, of his faithfulness throughout the ages, and know that even today, His faithfulness remains.

How precious the thought that my God is faithful
and how sweet it is to my soul

I will probably post the paper I am writing, and I hope it will be an encouragement to you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also, please continue to pray for our Indian neighbors. My heart aches for Laurenja with a love that makes me weep at times. I cherish her, and it breaks my heart that she does not yet know God. It is strange though, because I feel as though He knows her already.... and, that it is only a matter of time before the veil is lifted and her heart opened to the precious truth of the gospel. Please pray. This is an urgent matter, and I want you to be included in the joy of her salvation.

Also, we just found out she is expecting!!! Our prayer is that her child would be born into a household that worships the true God. Our prayer is also that this child would be a vessel of mercy, chosen to display Christ through his/her life. Pray for the little life God is bringing us.

Our God is faithful!!
Selah

Changing

2009-04-26T14:30:00.000-07:00

I feel like this semester has been a season in my life where I have grown in almost un-measurable ways. Having come from a place of inconsistent ideals and feelings, and still falling into them at times, I am finding myself, for the first time in my life, constant and growing, instead of merely fighting to remain in the place I stand.

Among the things that are changing, there is one that has been on the forefront of my mind lately... and while I have to make this quick because I am in the middle of doing homework... I feel as though I should write it down none-the less....

Missions.
I have wanted to be a missionary for as long as I can remember, and throughout my life taken steps to proceed towards that goal. I saw no other legitimate option for my life. Now however, instead of merely desiring and vaguely walking towards missions, I am finding a passionate feeling towards the one kind of missions that has always scared me the most.... tribal missions. Honestly, the thought of giving up all the comforts modern technology offers, living among a remote people group for 20 years, or more, and forfeiting any dreams or other ambitions I might have has not ever appealed to be as anything more than an adventurous idea....

but now as i sit her, and over the last few weeks, the comforts of this world have become uncomfortable... even target, shopping, everything seems pointless, and the outdoors appeals to me more than the mall...

While I have never been one to be completely obsessed with clothing or comfort, I have always held a typical love for it.... but... its all seeming worthless to me now in light of eternity.

I have always been very scared of tribal missions.... but ugh, something weird is changing in me, where I actually want it....

.....?

It's been awhile

2009-04-24T16:10:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone, sorry its been a little while since my last post... life gets busy some times =)

Here is a little Japan update:
I have raised a total of 2400, so I am about half-way there! Thank you everyone who has committed to supporting me financially or through prayer, I truly appreciate it!

School here is about to give its last kick before it goes to sleep for the summer, and I am ready to have a break! Although this semester has been, by far, a time when I have learned more than ever about God, my brain is reaching its capacity, and I cant wait to spend some time outside of books learning about my creator.

I am getting more excited about Japan, still feeling a bit torn with leaving all my wonderful Indian neighbors here... but I am going to be faithful and obedient to what God is wanting me to do.

If you could be praying, a few of my closest friends here are either going to be moving this summer or are considering it.... and while they will be serving God in their obedience to move... it makes me sad to see them go. Please pray that God would provide for them, and keep providing friendships for me =)

I know it sounds kind of selfish to pray for friendships, but I am learning how much I need them, and how God uses them to carry out his will in my life. Either way, God is faithful.

Blessings
em

Things Pondered and Learned

2009-04-15T12:52:00.000-07:00

At Cornerstone, we are learning a lot about community right now. The emphasis has been on different parts of Simi Valley coming together on a regular basis to encourage and spur each other on and to meet the needs of neighbors. While this seems like a fun and excellent thing.... I am starting to realize the sacrifices I must make... with a torn heart.

I was really excited about the whole idea of community, but now as I am realizing I am going to have to make time in my schedule at seemingly inconvenient times, suddenly I find myself more annoyed than excited... which is not okay.

I have to be honest... American Christians scare me.... and intentionally spending time with them is not really always what I want to do... but as I find myself upset at the 'lack of community,' I am now finding my attitude a large part of the problem. Yikes. Time for some tough humility and maybe some changes in my heart....

This weekend there is going to be a gathering in my community, celebrating passover...
I thought some about missing it... but not a great deal, choosing instead to go home and raise support for my trip to Japan, and going camping the few days before hand. I have already booked the sites and made all the arrangements and plans, but feel kind of sick about missing a community gathering now.... ugh.

Live and learn?

King

2009-04-07T23:20:00.001-07:00

I learned tonight about God as my king through the book of Daniel... its pretty delightful

In all the craziness of his visions and whatnot, God was actually explaining the coming rule of the Persians, Greek and Romans.... when and where and why...

God holds the nations in his hands
HE really does

I am so grateful to serve a King

Significant Insignificance

2009-04-03T21:05:00.000-07:00

I am realizing the significance of my own insignificance.

My mind is currently being overwhelmed by the disaster that is grace, extended towards me, in a manner that is not only completely undeserved, but even more so, in a manner that leads me to ponder why such a thing would ever even exist.

Take my life for example. I was born September 6th, 1989. Why? What admonition or work did my pre-existant life accomplish that I would be granted the opportunity of existance?

Nothing.

I am because He made.

Now, as a life, I daily pursue different ambitions, experience emotions, thoughts, convey ideas and partake in activities. I live, every day. What have I done to accomplish this?

Nothing.

I live because He makes.

Now, having established that my very existence and life has no connection to my works, let me then continue on this train of logic into the realm of salvation.

Having done nothing to be born, doing nothing to live, how is it that I could imagine that works, of a body and mind I did not form, could somehow be mine to claim and thus earn salvation? Salvation that is by definition, a completely independent rescue of my strength from my own tragedy of which I could not escape.

What is this tragedy? Sin.

I have entered into a world tainted by sin, receiving in myself upon existence a soul of death, and heart of disobedience, and a deserved wrath from a perfect God. Yet, "For God has consigned all to disobedience, that he may have mercy on all.

³³Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
³⁴"For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?"
³⁵"Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?"

³⁶For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen."

Romans 11:32-36

I honestly don't get it, and yet in that... I think I am finally finding that my lack of understanding, and my realization of my own insignificance, is opening my eyes to the Glory that is my God.

That I would be included into a covenant promise of God, given to a people designated to be a holy nation, royal priesthood and a bride, that I, little, insignificant me, would be bestowed the honor of receiving this....

breaks my prideful heart

His grace is sufficient for even me

5 Things

2009-03-25T20:12:00.000-07:00

1. Everything that needed to be done for me to stand right before God HAS BEEN DONE
2. God is Faithful
3. I will BOAST in my weakness
4. I am no longer a debtor to my flesh(ly desires/sin)
5. Future Glory

These five truths are transforming my life

ps. Habakkuk... is.... AWESOME. Read it.

Just Beachy

2009-03-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday Bethy and I decided to escape Simi Valley for a while, and enjoy an afternoon soaking up the sun at the beach. It really was such a blast, and even though we had an exciting escapade involving seagulls and cheez-its, the laughter it brough was well worth the hardship of trying to retrieve an (entire) bag of crakers from an obnoxious flying animal.

Here are some pictures =)

Bethany honking in a tunnle

Blowing Bubbles

Smile!!!!

Before the Throne of God Above

2009-03-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget the truth about who I am. I look on myself and forget that I am no longer a debtor to my flesh. I forget that I am purchased with blood. I forget that I am bound for glory, bound to my savor and bound to hope.

I came across this hymn today, and the words hold such comforting truths. As you read this, read it slowly... let each truth this hymn speaks of refresh your heart.

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!

reasons

2009-03-19T14:59:00.000-07:00

The reason that its worth it to suffer... is not merely for the sake of suffering.

The reason it's worth it is the confidence we have that something is coming that will make our sufferings look like nothing, for the utter majesty of its jubilant GLORIOUS reality....

it is something we groan for
it is something all of creation groans for

we wait eagerly

for the earth to be swallowed up in glory
for the reign of our king
our faithful king
who has promised to return to us

who has given us his spirit as a guarantee

a spirit by whom we cry, "ABBA! FATHER!"

a spirit by whom we are sealed for adoption.

the reality of what is to come

this is why we endure hardship

and this is our hope

a confident, joyous anticipation of the most delightful.

IT IS TO COME

Lovely

2009-03-19T11:45:00.001-07:00

I have been just so overwhelmed lately with joy... and it's quite simply the best. The reasons for my joy?

1. The cross is behind me, everything I could ever have done to attain a right standing before God is DONE.
2. My God is faithful. This is insane. Really. *more posts on this to come...
3. Boasting in my Weakness
4. Future glory
5. The AMAZING people God has surrounded me with here.

Haha, sometimes I am just sitting doing homework, and I get distracted by joy. I don't know if you have ever experienced that... but its just so neat (understatement...of the year)

Also, God is answering some prayers right now in an insane way!
We have been praying with one of my friends (Kyle, who I mentioned before...) that his parents would be able to support his desire to serve God overseas in a tribal setting (they were not too thrilled with the idea at first) but... God works miracles and he got a call the other day that they were totally behind him!!!

Bethany and I are learning heaps about communication, as stressful school situations and life in general has created in both of us lots of selfishness and well... we were just both getting on each others nerves... something that has never happened before... haha. The awesome thing is that we were able to talk through everything as it happened, and are both learning an insane amount about Godly friendships, communication and selflessness (haha... hmmm, think God is preparing us for something...lol) We both love eachother too much to let ourselves get in the way of friendship, and its cool to see a different side of love come out in both of us. God also allowed us to have a fabulous time together at the beach yesterday, filled with lots of laughter. It was awesome!!!

Anyway, its just been such a hard-but-worth-it delight to see the fruit of God's hands working in out hearts. It keeps us on our knees a ton, but, we also are experiencing amazing joy.

Dont be afraid of hard times.... don't freak out thinking it is something strange that 'if you only fixed this one thing, made new friends...etc' happens. Chances are its going to be harder than you ever though, but worth it more than you will ever see (and i am not just talking about petty little friendship problems... I am talking about the hard stuff.... the stuff that makes you cringe to think about... that stuff... that's usually the stuff God uses. )

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children then heirs-heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Romans 8:15-17

Support Letter

2009-03-19T09:36:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends and Family,

I am so excited!! This summer I have been accepted to travel with Campus Crusade for Christ to Japan for 6 weeks to help spread the gospel among Japanese university students! There is a HUGE need for the gospel to penetrate Japan as the country is only slightly more than 1% Christian. Most of the students I will be reaching out to have never heard the name of Jesus or the beautiful news of what He has done for them. The average Japanese student does not have many opportunities to hear the gospel, and it has been found that a student there typically needs to hear the gospel over 7 times before they accept Christ. If you do the math, it is obvious that there is a huge need for people who are willing to share the gospel in Japan.

Two years ago, I spent 3 weeks in Tokyo, Japan and fell in love with the Japanese people. Nothing makes my heart smile like the memories and anticipation of loving these people that have become precious to my heart. The thought of having to live my life without the truths of God brings overwhelming agony, yet for most Japanese, this reality is all they know. God has entrusted the most precious truths of Himself to me, and it is my duty and privilege to be a carrier of the good news to those who are searching for truth.

During my stay in Japan, I will be spending time daily on different Universities, reaching out to students through intentional friendships with the hopes of sharing the gospel. We will be partnering with the local campus crusade staff with the intention of providing adequate long-term follow up and discipleship for the students who indicate a desire to learn more about Christ. Most of my days will be filled with learning the culture, reaching out to students, building friendships and sharing the gospel. The goal of the trip is to be obedient to whatever opportunity God gives us to share the gospel, and to make an impact for the Kingdom of God in whatever way we can.

I am extremely excited about this opportunity, yet I realize that I cannot do it alone. Not only will I be needed the support of my teammates going with me, but I will also need the support of my ‘family’ here through prayer and if possible financial gifts. I need to raise $5,500.00 by May in order to make this trip happen (sitting here right now, that number seems huge… but I am confident that if God wants me to go, he will provide)

I would be delighted if you would partner with me financially, but please realize that your prayers are equally, if not more important to me, as I will be engaging in a battle for souls. 2 Corinthians 4:4 says, “In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

Please pray with confidence that God would remove the veil the devil has put over their eyes; that when the truth is presented, their hearts would be able to accept it. Please also pray against attacks from the ‘god of this world’ who will not be willing to let go of these lovely people.

How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!”Romans 10:14-15

Ordinary Day

2009-03-09T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today was just one of those days...

Nothing amazing happened, I slept in too late, and got little done. Its weird how the last few weeks have been such a rush of emotional closeness with God, and yet today, I feel strangely apathetic towards life.

I have been praying a lot about an opportunity I have to go to Japan. The debate is between staying here and continuing to minister to the Indian families, or.... go to Japan for an intense 6 week missions trip reaching out to Japanese College Students.

I have to be honest, I am a bit afraid. I have [literally] traveled the world, and while the traveling, culture, food or country is not what worries me, I worry some times about loneliness... and having to do things [particularly spiritual things... like ministry] on my own. It just seems completely overwhelming at the moment... and I am not sure why.

Maybe its just spiritual opposition. I seem to get this way before I travel (well the last 3 times anyway... haha... see a pattern..)

grr.

The Good News

2009-03-07T17:17:00.000-08:00

This week in my 2 Corinthians class, we went over 2 Corinthians 5. The beginning of the chapter is a passage that Paul writes to the believers in Corinth about his (and their) eager anticipation of the redemption of creation.

2 Corinthians 5:1-6

Our Heavenly Dwelling

¹For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God,²For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, ³if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. ⁴For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. ⁵He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.

⁶So we are always of good courage..

I have always just skimmed over this passage, giving it a mere nod of agreement without fully understanding the beautiful truth it is conveying. In this passage, Paul (after speaking about suffering in the earlier parts of the book) gives us the picture of our hope and comfort, which he has promised in the midst of suffering.

Our Hope is this:
A confident expectation of the future: a time when we will no longer groan in our fallen world, but a time when all of creation will be 'swallowed up by life,' redeemed to be in a perfect state, a lovely glorification that will be perfection.

Our groaning however is not to be unclothed, but further clothed. Know that not that every single aspect of humanity is going to be destroyed, for we bear the image and proclaim the glory of God, even in our fallen state. We groan rather that we would be 'brought up' from this 'level of imperfection' to a place where the glory of God cleans and perfects every aspect of this life into something magnificent, something so far and lovely that it cannot be defined by words.

This anticipation is often tainted however by a common idea that heaven will be a far-off mystical place where nothing familiar exists. The beauty of our anticipation however is that our hope lays in the redemption of this earth as it is going to be a perfect and glorified version of what we know here. As one of my professors said, God is going to undo what Adam did... restoring creation to what He deems "good." (Gen 1)

In chapter 4 of II Corinthians, Paul talks about our anticipation for this in light of the resurrection of Christ. As we have died with Christ, and know full well the wonders of the cross, the joy and the glory comes in the resurrection, a glorification after the defeat of death. Just as Jesus was raised from the dead, we can in confidence (as guaranteed by the Spirit within us) that we will be raised into his presence (II Corinthians 5:5).

It is this future glory that we find our comfort. This is why we do not lose heart!

We do not endure and enjoy suffering for the sake of suffering alone, but just as Jesus endured the cross for the joy set before him, we likewise endure suffering for the joy of the future glory that we have yet to experience. Keep your eyes on the delight that is coming, and know that the pain you endure here is meant to not only strengthen you, but increase your anticipation for glory! As your groaning increases, let your joy likewise increase for the day when your groaning will come to an end, and the delightful glory of the new earth and new heaven will swallow up all that is here.

Take comfort... we have hope, we have good news =) Groan with hope then, and find this hope to be your comfort in the midst of your groaning.

Woman of Peace

2009-03-07T16:59:00.001-08:00

In my Cross Cultural Church Planting class, we have been learning about how to effectively bring the gospel to other cultures. The stress, when bringing the gospel to another culture, is on finding and developing a relationship with the people who are trying to reach that will one day be strong enough to carry the message of the gospel. In this process, it is vitally important to find someone who will serve as your 'bridge' in a way. A woman (or man) who opens her heart, home and culture to you. Our teachers are explaining that this person will probably have influence in her community, be well respected, and will be an important bridge into the lives of others through her friendship and influence.

Bethany and I have hopefully found our woman of peace in our community of Indian neighbors. Her name is Laurenja. I posted a picture of her in my last post... she is the one wearing the beautiful blue sari.

Anyway...yesterday, Bethany, Kyle and I (our little 'church') went for a visit to her house. She invited us in and graciously offered us water, Indian cookies, crackers, the best tea you have EVER had (even kyle liked it... that's saying a lot) and a spicy cooked dish of noodles, nuts, peppers, along with their version of milk (liquid, sour yogurt). It was all very delicious (the 'milk' was a bit sketchy at first glance, but prayers were silently uttered and Kyle and I found that it was actually quiet good as long as you took small sips... Bethy couldn't quite get there though ahha)

It was such an awesome visit becuase Laurenja had one of her other indian friends, Madre (wearing the green in my last post) over, and they were both really excited to talk to us. Laurenja even called her husband to come home early from work to come talk with us. They showered us with questions and we had such a great time telling stories from travelling to remenicing about the special foods we each enjoy.

By the time we had left we promised to meet again, and Laurenja and her husband asked us not to worry about bringing them gifts (we brought flowers) because they did not want us to feel like we had to spend our money on them, they wanted instead to bless us if we ever needed food or anything!!

Please keep praying!! Pray that we would be humble, and that they would be open.

Also, the opportunity for me to go to Japan for 6 weeks this summer has just opened up... I love Japan with so much of my heart and would LOVE LOVE LOVE to go... but, I also dont want to leave the ministry I have here...

Bethy and I are really just starting to love these people as friends, and even if we dont get to share the gospel with them, we are praying that the love we show them would be a seed that maybe somone else will water.

love you all
em (and bethy& kyle)

Missionary

2009-03-02T16:51:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness! So much has happened in the last few weeks that the task of writing it all down almost seems like too big a job! Where do I start? Prayer.

Over the last semester, and especially the last few weeks, Bethany and I have been really praying for our neighbors. All last semester we were not sure how to reach our neighbors, and unsuccessfully attempted many times to get to know them. As the semester passed however God brought an Indian family to us. They moved in below and to the left of our apartment.

I was so excited!! They seemed very shy and hesitant, mostly due to the language barrier, but a relationship began to grow between us. I am sure you have read some of my other posts about Sujetha, little Roshni and Joslenda. What you probably don't know is that, as we have been learning to pray these last few weeks, our prayers have become bold in asking God for a deep relationship with them, in hopes that we might reach the ever-growing Indian community in our neighborhood.

Last week, Beth and I went downstairs to invite Sujetha and her family (her husband, mother and father-in-law included) over to dinner some time. We were having a hard time understanding eachother, but learned that Roshni was turning 4 that Saturday. That night we pleaded with God to get us into that party because we knew that all of their Indian friends would be there.

The next morning Nagesh and his father-in-law waved Bethany down as she was about to drive off to work. They said, "Our daughter is having a birthday party today, you must come at 5!!!"

How is that for a direct answer to prayer!!!

Beth had to work till 7, but I was able to go over at five, and got to spend hours 'talking' with the women that came over, playing with the kids, and taking pictures with everyone! The door to the hearts of our beautiful Indian community started to open that night. Here are some of the pictures....

This is Roshni. She has just turned 4yrs old. She is VERY outgoing and friendly, and adorable beyond belief! Every time she sees Bethany or I now she shouts out our name and shows us with excitement whatever little trinket she has on her, from stickers in her hand to new shoes. Pray that God would not let Satan keep have her heart!

Here are a few of the Indian ladies in our neighborhood. Most of them do not speak english very well, but they are very friendly. They are a Bible study waiting to happen!! Beg that God would allow us into their hearts that one day we might be able to share the gospel with them!!

This is Sujetha's father-in-law and new daughter Joslenda. The father-in-law does not speak english, but is always very willing to 'converse' with us, and is very reserved, yet friendly. Joslenda is now about 2months old, and absolutly beautiful!! Pray that God would somehow allow us to plant a seed in the father-in-laws heart before he and his wife leave for India (soon!) and that God would again not let Satan have Joslenda.

This is Lavanya (Laurenyah), one of the most beautifully joyous people I have ever met in my life. She has taken a special interest in Bethany and I, inviting us over to her house, offering to help us learn their culture, and even teach us how to cook Indian food! Her heart is in desperate need of friends, and Bethany and I are delighted that she would entrust her friendship to us. Of everyone I have met, her heart seems to be the most open, and ripe for the gospel. Prayer for her is DESPERATLY needed. I really love her... so much. She already is a dear, dear friend to me, and has taken a very special place of love in our hearts.

This is Madree and her little boy. She is very friendly, and her little one is adorable! Please pray that God would open doors with her and that we might be able to form a friendship with her.

This is Sujetha's mother-in-law who has come to live with them for a few months. She dosen't speak any english at all, but requested a picture with me, and is always very friendly and engaging. Please lift her soul up to God.

This is Jodee. Pray that she would become more confidant in her english and that we might be able to then build a friendship with her and her family.

And this is Sujetha. Sujetha has a special place in our hearts. She has a very gently shy, yet radient soul. Her physical beauty is captivating, and there is a loveliness about her that is absolutly charming. Sujetha has been the object of many tear-filled prayers. I love her with a strange passion, and desire more than anything to bring the good news of Jesus our King to her. I beg of you to plead with God for her soul. She is very reserved, but has been appreciating our attemts at friendship much more than we thought (we learned this through Lavanya) but feels bad because she cannot speak english. Please pray that our visits would be stress free for her, and that she would be able to open up to us, despite the language barrier.

Thank you so much for taking the time to catch a glimpse of the ministry that has just been starting in Meadowood apartment complex!! I could go on and on about different things that have happened just today, but that would take FOREVER!

I will let you know though that Bethy and I went over to Lavenya's house and spent a wonderful couple of hours with her, establishing a friendship that will hopefully one day carry the gospel.

Pray that God would continue to give us the grace to pray.
~em (and bethany)

Suffering

2009-02-24T10:47:00.000-08:00

The last few weeks I have [reluctantly] been learning about the concept of Biblical suffering. It seems as though every sermon I listen to, nearly every class I attend, and every passage of scripture lately has been about suffering. While this has been a point of discouragement for me in the last few weeks, I think I am finally starting to grasp the beautiful truths that God has hidden inside of suffering for those willing to trust him through it.

The other day, I came home in a fit of tears, frustrated at myself and life, and complained to my roommate Bethy that I was tired of hearing so much about suffering and really discouraged. She was very quiet, which is not unusual for her, but there was something I could tell she was avoiding telling me.

Later that night, I came home from class, and she said she needed to tell me something that would make me cry. Ugh, great! Before praying she asked me how I was doing with the whole concept of suffering, and I reluctantly told her that I was really struggling with accepting it because I did not want to give up certain things that made me comfortable, or allow myself to be put into a place of suffering from God (silly thoughts, but I was really wrestling through this...) She said, "Maybe you are having a hard time with all of this because you are afraid to suffer."

Yeah. She pretty much struck the unspoken chord that had been the pinnacle of my wrestling with God. I always thought of myself as okay with suffering until I would enter into anything hard (sickness, depressive thoughts, bad days) in which I would freak out and do anything I could to get comfortable again. While not all of those things are necessarily 'Biblical suffering' for the sake of the gospel, there is a spiritual aspect of these things that I have been chosing to ignore, seeking my own comfort instead of God's lesson through the uncomfort and 'suffering.'

Unfortunatly all of this is going to sound incredibly cliche and "dont ever do anything to make yourself to comfortable, just trust God' like, I want you to know that this is something I am (myself and not you... haha) wrestling through and praying about. So please dont take my applications and apply them to yourself... I plead with you to let God direct your heart into whatever he is teaching you at the moment.

If I could convey one thing though it would be this:

If you are going to chose a life where God is your precious treasure, where the focus of your every day life is to further the gospel, and activly living out your faith, you are stepping into the line of fire. Satan hates this. Not only that, but God will be allow hardship in your life, trials, to grow you. Suffering sucks. There is nothing glorious about it. Dont be dissalusioned.

There is something precious though. It is far more lovely, far more decedantly delightful...

But you really only experience it when you submit to God's right to bring into your life whatever He in his perfection desires, even if it sucks like nothing else.... or is the worst thing ever...

you will find this lovely thing called comfort.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, ht eFather of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our afflictions, so that we may be able to comfrot those who are in any affliction, with the comfort by God. For as we share abundantly in Chirst's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
II Corinthians 1:3-5

Let God become your most cherished and precious delight.

Adventures

2009-02-23T13:04:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, Bethany, Brittany, Kyle and I decided to go camping. We drove down to the beach and found a place where we could park our car while we explored the hills and found somewhere to spend the night. It was a beautiful day, and we were full of optimism as we started our hike.

The weather was supposed be clear, and so each person only brought a sleeping bag, mat, food and water. As we began to hike though, little raindrops dashed our hopes of good weather for the night. Fortunately the rain never turned into anything more than occasional showers throughout the night, which happened excellent and delightful treat for all of us.

As we arrived at our decided sleeping location, a little meadow on the side of a hill, we set up camp for the evening and proceeded to talk well into the night. We all laid in our sleeping bags to stay dry, and played word games, told stories and laughed. It was simply delightful.

As the evening grew late, we were joined by the sound of howling coyotes, and while I was a bit aprehensive about being in an open field without any form of protection, I knew that the worst that could happen was a few of the brave curious ones sneaking up to smell us. They are really rather skiddish and would be afraid of four people.

All throughout the night I heard them walking around us, it was kind of cool. I was not able to sleep though becuase I was BOILING HOT in my bag, and unzipping it only proved to be an open invitation to the billions of mosquitoes that seemed to loooove me (I have bites on my face, arms, back, shoulders and toes to prove it.)

As morning finally came, we packed up and after exploring our surroundings for a while, found about 6 little areas of matted down grass where our howling friends spent some time laying down and sleeping. The little 'beds' were about 15 yards away from us, and it seems like they all faced us, curious about who was invading their hillside.

As we made our way back down to our car, we checked out a little cave, and played games as we hiked down the trail. At one point we all pretended to make up a language, speaking jibberish loudly to eachother. It was absolutly hillareous when two ladies passed us and we made them take a picture of us, communicating to them only in jibberish!! We were all laughing so hard we cried as poor kyle, stumbling to make up a name of a country to say where we were from blurted out, "Wisconson" in a weird accent.

Overall it was a great trip filled with lots of funny moments

selfishness...

2009-02-23T12:47:00.000-08:00

Over the last few weeks, I have found myself immersed with the changes that are taking place within my heart. I believe that God is teaching me many new things, and while at times the challenge of being formed into who he desires is overwhelming, I know that the outcome is well worth the process.

Goodness, there are so many new things to write down... where do I start?

In my 2 Corinthians class, we are continuing to learn about suffering, something which continues to prove somewhat discouraging to me. Although I know that whatever suffering I face for Christ, through Him I will be able to endure, there is another part of me that feels guilty and shamed when I am not 'suffering' and seeks to enter into that 'discomfort.' This has arrived in my heart with a large measure of confused thoughts and emotions. While the Bible claims that all suffering done for the sake of the Gospel, and trials endured as given by God are for the sake of sanctifying faith, my heart seems to always take it the wrong way. Let me explain:

When I think of the necessity of suffering, suddenly everything of comfort becomes an object of guilt. Every motivation of mine seems selfish and sinful, and all that is in my life that is not causing me pain, and anything I am doing to avoid pain, seems like a ploy devised to keep me from trusting God. In all of this I just feel worthless, and guilty, self-centered and terrible. Ugh.

The thing that is difficult for me though the most in this, is that a large measure of my motivation for changing any portion of this aspect of my life is motivated by a desire to measure up to some kind of standard that I have learned is expected of 'dedicated believers.' My motivations, instead of being led into conviction through the power of the spirit, are merely more selfish attempts of self-righteousness masked in good intentions.

I am trying very hard not to be selfish, but I am also trying very hard to let my standard be Christ, and not necessarily sermon illustrations or quotes from a speaker.

I feel as though my attempt at unselfishness at times is a prideful desire to take a hold of my life and perfect myself through my own strength instead of waiting for God to direct me.

Sometimes.

Sometimes though, the shirt needs to be returned and the shoes sent back. Coffee can be made at home and a peanut butter sandwich do just fine for lunch.

New Covenant

2009-02-09T16:47:00.000-08:00

This week in my 2 Corinthians class our assignment was to study the old covenant, the new covenant in the Old Testament, and what the promises of the new covenant are. It was a very eye opening study to me, and is just another building block in my heart portraying the significance of the gospel, and my freedom in Christ (something God seems to be unfolding in my heart this semester.)

The old covenant was a series of promises and laws given to the Israelites from God in the OT. The old covenant was based upon retribution theology, meaning, if the Israelites kept the commands of the Lord and lived in a way pleasing to Him, they would prosper and find blessings, but if they did not they would be cursed. Seen in the lives of the Israelites, one can track their obedience and disobedience to God quite clearly by watching for the success and blessings of the people, or finding the times where they are cursed and receive the wrath of God.

In the old covenant, the Israelites were constantly subject to rituals and sacrifice to make atonement for both their daily sins and their disobedience to the covenant of God. These sacrifices were designed to save them from their ever deserved wrath of God. These sacrifices however were not enough, and never fully cleansed them of their iniquities. Though they would live to attain righteousness, their sin would enslave them and render them incapable.

The failure of humanity to live righteously in the old covenant through the law showed the desperate need of the people for an act of salvation that would rescue them from their sinful nature and tendencies to break the law, separating them from God.

The whispers of a new covenant were strewn throughout the old testament however, asprophets would speak of a time when God would claim the hearts of his people to be his own, set them free from their burden of sin, and enslave them to righteousness. The prophets spoke of a glorious indwelling of the Holy Spirit in the hearts of those that were to receive this covenant, a gift through which God would mark his children, and make Himself truly known to His beloved.

Jeremiah 31:31-38 sheds a brilliant light on the beautiful details of this new covenant:

31 "Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, 32not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the LORD.

33 But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 34And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,' for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more."

35Thus says the LORD,who gives the sun for light by day
and the fixed order of the moon and the stars for light by night,
who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar—
the LORD of hosts is his name:

36 "If this fixed order departs
from before me, declares the LORD,
then shall the offspring of Israel cease
from being a nation before me forever."

37Thus says the LORD:"If the heavens above can be measured,
and the foundations of the earth below can be explored,
then I will cast off all the offspring of Israel
for all that they have done, declares the LORD."

38 "Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when the city shall be rebuilt for the LORD from the Tower of Hananel to the Corner Gate. 39 And the measuring line shall go out farther, straight to the hill Gareb, and shall then turn to Goah. 40 The whole valley of the dead bodies and the ashes, and all the fields as far as the brook Kidron, to the corner of the Horse Gate toward the east, shall be sacred to the LORD. It shall not be uprooted or overthrown anymore forever."

This covenant that was to be established would be impossible to break, and those that God claimed as his own would be marked by an immovable force that would allow for nothing to separate God from his beloved people. NOTHING!

not even sin

For he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.

All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned- every one- to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

Because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors.
(Isaiah 53:5-6, 12b)

How then are we to live? Do we not realize that we now live in the precious new covenant for which all of Israel longed? In-dwelt with the Holy Spirit, we are free from sin. We are no longer strangers who say to one another, " know God," for we shall truly know God.

This is almost impossible for my heart to grasp.

How often do I live in the guilt of my sin,
when its burden I not longer bear?

How often have I been deceived and held back by the nature of my humanity,
when it is no longer something I am chained to ?

How often have I separated myself from God,
when he has drawn me near to him?

How often have I thought my God not enough,
when he has said that he is sufficient ?

How often have I thought my sin too much,
believing myself forever tainted by that which I have already received forgiveness?

HOW OFTEN ARE WE HELD BACK BY SATAN
led to believe that we have not been freed to dance forward with God.

Everything we think we must do, everything we feel we must justify, and every law we feel we must fulfill in order for God to love us, everything we need....

God has made a way for everything we needed in order to stand before him.

Do you understand your freedom?
That God would reach out and grant you this covenant that even he cannot break..
That there is nothing more you can do to earn it, attain it, enlarge it, diminish it, nothing.

it has been done.

This is the God I Serve

2009-02-07T23:24:00.000-08:00

Can a woman forget her nursing child,
that she should have no compassion
on the son of her womb?

Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
Behold, I have engraved you
on the palms of my hands.

isaiah 49:15-16

It is amazing to think that God actually said these words. I forget that sometimes. And even though they were written a long time ago, to the chosen nation of Israel, we have now entered into his body, his church, and we too, his beloved, he shall not forget.

The comfort that brings my heart shakes my very soul.

Yes,this is the God I serve

Answered Prayers

2009-02-07T19:55:00.000-08:00

I have been praying a lot for my neighbors that live below me. They are a young family from India, with two little girls. I have been over to their apartment a few times with flowers and various little gifts. I have been praying specifically lately that our relationship would move beyond my occasional visits and into a friendship through which I could eventually share the gospel. My short term hope was to be able to sit down and have dinner with them, either at our apartment or theirs. Usually when you have a meal with someone walls are torn down and friendships are deepened. This has been my prayer.

Earlier today, my roommate Sandi and I went down to their apartment to ask where a good Indian restaurant was, hoping to open some sort of door for a meal together. In the middle of our conversation, as I mentioned my love for Indian food, the husband said that we would have to come over for a meal some time. My heart jumped with excitement!!

I love this family to the point of tears, and am willing to do anything that they might find the joy and freedom of Jesus Christ. I would be delighted and honored if you would keep them and our relationship in your prayers. I am hoping to invite them over for an American meal, and cannot wait until they invite us over for a meal at their home.

God is so good!

Also, our neighbor who lives next to us is a single man in his 30s who we have had little luck getting to know, as his work schedule is fairly intense. Today he came over to us and asked if we could feed his cat next weekend. We were so excited to get to have some conversation with him, and were able to share where we went to school and our plans for the future. He seemed very open to us and was friendly and welcoming. We are hoping to connect him with some guys from church as he dosen't have any friends here yet =) I have had no clue how to even begin to get to know him, yet God just brought him to us.

Bethany and I prayed a lot last semester that we would be able to make an impact in our neighbors lives... and now our prayers are showing fruit!!!

Thank you God for allowing us to serve our neighbors and learn to love them!

Dancing With the Holy Spirit- By Bethany Reinbolt

2009-02-07T18:36:00.000-08:00

Today I was just kind of having one of those days. I felt like a complete failure, a hopeless sinner, and that God was just putting up with me...

While I was sitting at home pondering all of these things, my roommates walked in from their shopping excursion and Bethany mentioned a note that she wrote on facebook. I logged in, checked it out, and after reading it began to cry. This note ministered to my heart in such an encouraging way that I thought I should share it with all of you. I hope you are encouraged =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ by Bethany Reinbolt

Last night I was sitting on the top bunk getting ready to lay my head down for the night when from outside of my window I heard the click-click-click of high heels, a few familiar voices, and the giggles of my roomates. I thought to myself, I can either be diligent and go to bed now so that I can wake up early, or I can go outside and have some fun with my friends. It took me about two seconds to climb down the shaky ladder of my bunk bed and grab my snowmobile jacket from the hallway closet on the way out the door.

We danced for a while in our neighbor’s parking space, listening to the music flowing out of Lor’s tape playing Volvo (yes friends, she is cool enough to still have a tape player in her vechile). But soon enough the security guard informed us that we were not allowed to be doing that, so we headed over to the Von’s parking lot (I never thought I would be one of those people who hangs out in a parking lot on Friday night!).

Now that we had space to move, we could dance our little hearts out, and this is where my story begins. Prior to last night the only waltzing experience that I had was the dances at camp (and let’s just say that dancing with high-school boys is not the best way to learn a formal dance); so one of my brothers, who is an expert student of dance showed me the proper way.

He informed me that the man is the one who does the dance, the girl just follows. He said that I am supposed to lean back against his arm, and hold his hand firmly. I tried so hard to follow his foot pattern, but I kept getting ahead of him or swaying a little bit too far to the sides. He said, “Bethany, just follow, let me do the work.” My response was a disheartened, “How do you follow?”

He replied, “Close your eyes and listen to my body” (That sounds kinda sketch, but, it will be so cool that he said that once you make the connection). I closed my eyes and he led me around the Von’s parking lot. All I had to do was be aware of where he was going and the steps that he was taking, and I would automatically go the right way- even with my eyes closed. I didn’t even have to try- I just had to stay on my feet and be willing to move.

I am pretty sure that walking in step with the Holy Spirit is the same thing. Just close your eyes*, feel where He is leading, and let Him do the work. As long as I am willing to dance, it will become something beautiful. (By the way, in dancing, you are going to take a few wrong steps. You may even fall, but He is there to pull you up by the hand, brush the dirt off of you, and lead you in a dance once again).

I just like the thought that all I have to do is lean back God’s arms, hold tight to his hand, and follow His lead.

*Closed eyes-2 Corinthians 5:7 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” Sometimes sight gets in the way and we think that we have it all figured out because we can see what is going on, but in reality, we have to just trust the Holy Spirit and be confident that He will lead us in the most beautiful dance ever.

this note can also be accessed on our roomate blog at www.notsolovebirdss.blogspot.com

Prayer

2009-02-06T18:03:00.000-08:00

For the last few months I have been trying to get to know my Indian neighbors that live downstairs. I have been over to their house a few times, but would like to build a more substantial relationship where I could eventually share the gospel with them. My heart is burdened for them, and I feel a special love radiating from my heart for Sujetha, the wife of the family.
Sujetha seems to be no more than 27 years old, and possesses a sweet and quiet spirit. She seems shy, yet open to my visits. I am not sure quite how to take the next step, and become closer to her, but I feel an urge in my heart that I must do something. I was going to do something today, but let the day slip away from me, and do not wish to interrupt them during dinner time. I am going to try to go over tomorrow in the late morning.
I would like to offer to help her with her English in exchange for some cooking lessons, but I am not sure if she would be up for that. I am also hoping to invite them for dinner at some point soon, to get to know their whole family.
I feel a strange burden and responsibility for these people. I love them. Its very strange, but a smile creeps across my heart at the prospect of what could arise from this peculiar friendship.

dancing

2009-02-04T23:42:00.000-08:00

I think I have found my new love.

Tonight Alli, Tom, Dan, Tom and I went to a west-coast swing dance class. We learned various different basic steps and practiced them during the class. Afterwards however there was free dance, and the studio filled quickly with people of all ages, with different dancing styles and techniques.

Never before have I encountered the joy of partner dancing. Being led through a dance is quite possibly one of the most delightful things I have ever experienced. There is just a beauty to the submission that takes place in a dance on the part of the woman. The man, when he is leading correctly, gives gentle yet sure guidance through the dance that made me feel both that I was a treasured and delicate lady. If I simply followed without question, the dance was beautiful, fun and easy. But when I tried to lead it was awkward, difficult and frustrating. I think there is a biblical lesson in there somewhere =)

Anyway, besides all of that, my heart was just bursting with joy the entire night, and while I can't tell exactly why, all I know is that I have found a new favorite in life.

On a less serious note, the evening was not without comical blunders. During a later part of the evening, a gentleman, who who was a well experienced dancer, asked me to dance. He proceeded to teach me more about dancing, while helping my technique. It was absolutely wonderful, and I gained so much from that time. Unfortunately, as a beginner, I have no idea what to do with my arms, or even legs at times, during spins. As we proceeded into a series of quick turns however, my right arm rose up and the who side of of my elbow and arm hit him VERY hard full on the face.

I don't know if you have ever taken the blunt side of an elbow to the face at a high speed, with your eyes closed, while spinning, but from the look on his face, I would never recommend for you to pursue such a thing. I felt so terrible!!

It really was very funny though.

I cannot wait to go dancing again!! Ahhh!!! What delight!!!

the gospel

2009-02-04T13:40:00.001-08:00

It continues to blow my mind when I think about how much God loves me.

God is growing a lot of things in my heart right now, and a realization of the power of the gospel is just one of them. I am learning however, in the midst of this discovery that I am to wait.

I have always felt such a strong desire to run into every single ministry, lesson, friendship, opportunity to serve etc in my life, only to find myself a crying exhausted mess. Now however, while the temptation is still there, I am learning to wait as God builds the necessary things into my heart for what HE is going to have me do in life.

Its hard to wait. But, it is cool to see things developed in my heart that I know are not of me.

the infamous gorilla

2009-02-04T13:32:00.000-08:00

I have a burn on my hand. A very small one. During class last night my friend Scott looked over at my hand and jokingly said, "Did you put a cigarette out on your hand or something?" (its a very small round burn). I looked over at him and said, "No, I burnt it on a curling iron." He looked back at me in shock and disbelief and whispered, "A GORILLA?!"

I laughed. A lot. I almost had to leave class.

Lessoned learned: gorillas burn your hands. don't touch them.

thoughts

2009-02-03T12:40:00.000-08:00

I really like light green. Light sage green. I also like purple and yellow at the moment. I am not sure why I feel the need to share this information, but never the less, the information has now made itself known.

I am sitting in the EBC lounge right now enjoying the company of many of my school friends. Bible college jokes abound, and coffee flows freely as the fifteen minute cram before the 1'o clock classes begin.

I can't think of anything else to write.

the end.

a lovely kind of freedom

2009-02-02T23:19:00.001-08:00

Over the course of my life I have found myself subject to a certain amount of anxiety and tension based upon a fear of not being good enough. I had this standard burned into my head that would never let me rest on a vacation, sleep in late, walk through a mall without sharing the gospel or live normally without debilitating guilt. It always pained my conscience to tell people of the amazing freedom they could find in Christ, for my actual life bore no witness of this freedom. Instead, I lived with the ambition of being good enough for everyone. I did not want people to hate me or look down on me for being a bad Christian. Ultimately though, it was my view of God and misunderstanding of the gospel that fueled this lifestyle I grew to hate.

For as long as I can remember, I have always looked at other people and wondered why it was so easy for them. Why and how on earth were they liked when they messed up all the time? How was it that those who were the most immature got the most patience and attention from the youth group leaders, while I had to be perfect to get attention and praise. I lived in this fear of messing up. I never pin-pointed what that ultimately would look like, but I could tell you exactly how it would feel to have everyone disappointed in me.

I never realized how much these thoughts and desires completely ruled my life until this last year. I moved away from home, away from everyone who knew me, anyone who had any standard of normal for me, and slipped into a community of people who knew absolutely nothing about me. It was quite blissful to be surrounded by people who did not know me well enough to have expectations of me. I simply was, just as they simply were, and thats all there was to it.

As time passed on, and acquaintances became close friends, those familiar feelings began to tempt me again. Having wrestled through the importance of pleasing God and not others however, these fears found little foundation to rest upon, and slipped aside, unveiling an even bigger fear of mine, the root system of every fear in my soul, the fear of not being able to please God.

While this fear was not blatantly dressed as a fear of disappointing God, it took on many shapes and forms in my life that led me to that conclusion. It was not until a breakdown about a week and a half ago that this realization not only hit me, but finally resolved itself.

The very things I knew I needed to do were the things that I had to fight the hardest to enjoy. Reading my Bible for instance was and has been a struggle for me periodically throughout my life, and particularly the letters of Paul. As God would have it, I am taking two classes this semester, Romans and 2 Corinthians, that brought me down to the very pit of my fear of Paul's letters and the Bible. My fear was simple really, when reading those books, all my heart found was a discouraging discourse of everything I could be doing better in my life. I could be wanting to suffer more, trusting God more, serving more, giving more...etc. In my mind, every time I read them I felt like more of a failure. How on earth could God love such a failure. While everyone else was excited for how they were being challenged and humbled, I left class the first few weeks on the brink of tears, overwhelmed and wanting to just give up.

Perfect. Actually, I really think thats exactly where God wanted me. I finally got to the point were I stopped thinking, "ok I know what I am doing wrong, I will just suck it up and fix it." I got to the point where my heart was crying, "I just want to give up, everything seems impossibly hard. I don't even know what to do any more. I don't know who God is, I don't know what he wants for my life, I can't even suck it up and do it anymore. I am done. I want to actually want to live this life spoken about in the Bible, and only the Holy Spirit can do that through me, because I am done, I have reached the end of myself."

After that point, this beautiful thing called the gospel slowly started to become alive to me. The terrific wonder of the penalty of my sin being taken away suddenly had new depth, as I found myself to be a helpless wreck, wallowing in her own sin, waiting to be saved. No longer was I the person who could pull it all together, now I was a paralyzed sinner who had been set free. Finally realizing this completely rocked my world. It was not until I realized how helpless and sinful I actually was that the gospel became alive to me.

This new freedom that took hold of me lifted a veil from the Bible I never knew I had put on it. The veil was that I thought I knew it all already. Now, feeling like a brand new Christian, I am excitingly reading through my Bible with a fresh perspective on everything, and have abandoned my old fears of not measuring up for excitement in learning how much God loves me anyway.

My life had been heavily influenced by a prideful insecurity that was terrified of letting others down, or disappointing God. I am now realizing that my only standard to live by is to live in the beauty of the gospel. I am realizing with unspeakable joy and wonder the love my Father has for me. To think of God in any other way, or to doubt such love is making God into something he is not, a scheme the devil has used since the very beginning of time.

All day long I have been in-dwelt with a sweetness that I could feel in my arms, legs, hands, everywhere. It was the absence of anxiety, and I cherished every second of it. It is unspeakably great to know that no matter what I do, God will love me. That statement now has meaning behind it, a treasure I now hold inside my heart.

For those of you who strive every day towards a standard of which you can't even define, living in the breath of defeat, accompanied by guilt and a fear that every moment you are disappointing a God that can hardly put up with you, stop defaming the name of God by diminishing the love he has for you! If you only knew that it is the devil reaching into the most valuable treasure you own, tainting your reason for living in a way that is subtle, yet slowly killing you... you would find a lovely kind of freedom.

yes. a very lovely kind of freedom.
quite simply: you would find God.

Ordinary Moments

2009-02-02T17:13:00.000-08:00

I have decided to entitle this blog 'ordinary moments', because thats what life seems to be all about. Every day we live through moment after moment that we often find to be nothing but ordinary, normal, uneventful or even boring. Yet, it is in these every day, ordinary moments that God is weaves lessons and wisdom into our hearts that, once completed, begin to change our lives. I have often found that life changing moments are carried to me through many months of what i thought to be ordinary moments.

I would love if you would journey with me through the seemingly ordinary moments of life. For even on the most mundane days, God is working something in our hearts that one day will accomplish his will. Its a beautiful reality that rests in the every day moments we so casually acknowledge to be ordinary.